textgramThere is only one thing worse than an excuse, justifying. An excuse is an internal thing like I was tired so I didn't go to the gym this morning. You'll know the proverb "Excuses are tool of incompetence". However the justifying is far worse. Justifying is worse because you put the reason you couldn't do something on some outside factor. By outside factor I mean someone or something other than yourself. I didn't get up to go to the gym because sleep felt too good this morning. Sleep just became the reason you didn't go to the gym. Now that I think about it justifying is why my goals are always almost met. Maybe yours too.

What happens is this you get close to your goal and then you justify why you can't do something to the contrary of your goal.

So you don't know what I'm talking about. Let's take those last five pounds you can't seem to get rid of. You are so close to your goal and then you justify why it's finally ok to grab that piece of cake or your Auntie's famous Mac n' Cheese. We say it's only one meal and you will knock the calories off in the gym tomorrow. Only when it's time to hit the gym tomorrow you say you will pick it up tomorrow and on top of that you took home a plate. Now you're on day 2. Then you ate bad for two days and missed the gym you might as well take the week off, after all you have been working really hard over these last couple of months. I get it trust me. How do you think I can write about this? We justified that it is ok because we have worked so hard this far and it's your Auntie's Mac n' Cheese. So we blame Auntie's Mac for being so good. We blame the gym for always being open tomorrow. This is the suppression theory smacking you in the face. When you go to get on the scale, after the night of bingeing, it didn't move, so you didn't gain any weight. Then the day after that you've gained eight pounds. Now into your worst nightmare and everyone's same fate, you start to continue to gain weight. You're now justifying your gaining of weight by saying it's really difficult to lose those last five pounds and everyone seem to have the same result. So now your workouts aren't as intense because you cheated with the cheat meal and you let the meal defeat you. Like Auntie's Mac n' Cheese contained a get fat virus that at first slowly caused you to gain weight and then boom it rapidly expands. Nope this all happened because you justified why it was ok in the first place.

Justifying is like strategizing the excuse. If you look for someone or something to blame for you to not do what you didn't want to in the first place you will eventually find it. Conversely if you look for someone or something to blame for you doing what you wanted to do in the first place you will eventually find it.

Think about it like this, if you want to sleep with someone other than your significant other you have to justify the reason by blaming someone else or something else for you doing what you wanted to do in the first place. That guy or girl from work you "randomly" meet at the bar and have a few drinks, you then can blame Patron for why y'all slept together.

If you don't like someone you never even met, don't even know personally you justify it by saying you don't like them because of the way they dress or how they carry themselves. As if their dress code did something to you. You act like the way they carry themselves did some sort of injustice to you.

Justifying is also worse because it's about people pleasing. If you don't want to do something instead of being "allowed" to say no you don't want to do it, you have to give a reason (justification) as to why you don't want to do it. Here's the kicker YOU ARE ALLOWED TO SAY NO!

In most cases when you are not let off the hook for justifying you then dial it back to an excuse. Now that you have given an excuse most people don't want to beat you when you're down so they just leave you with your excuses, and we all know the Proverb "excuses are tools of incompetence".

"I appreciate everyone, everything, and every event, whether seen or unseen, that led to me being me at every stage of me."-Swagger Coach


Every time I explain this to a client they believe I'm about to give them a spiel about how they are fuching wrong, or that I'm going to teach them how to get laid. No, No, No, and oh I forgot No!

Making love isn't about sex, it's about energy. Sexual energy is for quick bursts like an Audi R8 going from 0 to 100 in 3.5 seconds. That may be the result but that's not the end, at least I hope not. I'll say it again incase you haven't read my numerous posts in which I mention energy; women have buckets and men have nozzles. Women make men feel and as a result men fill buckets. When men feel love on an ongoing basis he is said to be in the momentum of love; in love for short. When women consistently get thier buckets filled with love she is said to be in the momentum of love; in love for short. I hope you see where this is going.

Look at it this way... You have two people dating and everyday she makes him feel loved. He then fills her bucket with love. He may send her thoughtful text messages, give her gifts, and more importantly he will give her time. Men always want to be where they are loved the most. She will continue to make you feel loved and you will continue to fill her bucket with love. If this continues then love energy is going to be maximized. Once love is maximized sexual energy can then be released, and it will have been released in proper order. This generally results in a continued relationship.

How to make love when either her bucket is being filled with negative energy, or he feels negative?

When this happen opposites attract. I told you that opposite's attract was a true lie meaning that it's not necessarily a good thing. When one is up and one is down then one actually becomes less up and one becomes less down. With this in mind you have to find a happy medium. Let's say as soon as you hit the door or call her on the phone you get bombarded with negativity (regular). You have to immediately counteract that energy with love (premium). The same is true if he calls saying that he had a few bad moments at work you must immediately counteract that energy by making him feel loved. In effect he or she will become less negative going in the direction of love (premium). Whoever starts spewing the negativity first wins and the other person has to eat their negativity in order to counteract the negative energy with love. You will find that when you put your negativity to the side for love your bucket will get filled with love-making you forget about your negativity, the same is true for him.

If you keep this in mind you will always be in the momentum of love. If you're not in a relationship keep him or her in the momentum of love a see how quickly that turns into a relationship...

If you need assistance with any relationship, I will help; leave a comment, email me, or simply just stay tuned.

As always remember be fuching selfish and through witnessing your happiness others can view themselves the same.


What are the chains of love? This will explain my Attachment theory. I believe that everyone attached emotions to something. For example, think of your favorite song. Then ask yourself why is it your favorite song. Think of your favorite movie, year, anything, and ask yourself why is it my favorite. This provides you some comfort when you're uncomfortable.

I will explain this technique to you so that you are aware of it. Two things can happen either you already have something that is your favorite and I attach myself to that, or I will give you something to attach me to. I only have to find a moment. That moment will last a lifetime unless you replace it with another moment. I call this the emotional trigger and changing vests.

What I would do is this... before we get to that, think of this as the movie Inception. I realize there are several levels to your subconscious. In fact, starting in middle school I would actually tell women that I spoke to their subconscious and not their conscious mind. Therefore the things that I am saying to you during the day will wake you up with deep emotions for me. Hence my level of SWAG. Most guys care about that night I care about forever because that is my intention. But if we mix sexual energy before love energy then you're stuck with the virus... the idea. The idea that we could be together forever, that I AM just as emotionally attached as you are. When you find that I AM not, that would send you spiraling out of control. The problem is that I AM not the only one doing this and I only realized I did this because I now think about what I think about and what I thought about.

Think about yourself in a beauty pageant. It's the evening wear portion. You have your long flowing dress on. You're coming out to a slow jam, let's say Brian McKnight's Back at One. I pay attention because I know there is a reason you chose that song. It could have been your fathers' favorite song to play as you watched him and your mom dance in love.

I think your gorgeous and I make it a point to meet you after it's over. We chat for a bit, then exchange information. You're on an emotional high because although you may or may not have won the pageant you're elated at how beautiful you are and everyone is telling you that. You're so beautiful that most guys believe you're unattainable. That makes my hi all the more special. When I get you to my house about five songs in I decided to play roulette with the music and put on a couple of different jams mostly like medium-paced pop. But as we are getting to know each other better I change the song to guess what, Brian McKnight's Back at One. At this point, I come out of left-field with my questions forcing you to come back to the conversation but my intonation matches the rhythm of the song. We laugh and laugh, smile and flirt all the while this appears to be innocent. At this point I ask, are you thirsty? I get up to get you water or a drink, it's up to you. What I'm doing is letting the song play. We laughed I took you out of the past and brought you to the present and then left you there to go back to the past.

Since you went to the past and I brought you back to the present with laughter, you will actually take the smiles back with you to the past.

neoNow it's not your parents that you see, it's you and I. The song is over and the next song is something overly sexual and blatant like R. Kelly's It Seems Like You're Ready. I tell you how this is a classic. Now you're really tuned into the words of the song. Again my intonation... During this song, I ask, why you chose that song? You begin telling me and I interrupt you by getting closer to your face. We quickly escalate and now... my big feelings are going into your deep emotions. This makes your heart pump giving you an almost primal instinct for love like when Neo saved Trinity. Depending on when this
happens will make all the difference in terms of our future. Either way, emotionally, I have been in your life since the moment that song was stamped on your lifeline... Now I'm chained to your emotions and you have to start back at one.

If you need assistance with any relationship, I will help; leave a comment, email me, or simply just stay tuned.

As always remember to be fuching selfish and through witnessing your happiness others can view themselves the same.


karate-kidThe mantra this year has been "you faked it until you made it, now what?" Let's give that idea some thought. Ladies maybe you didn't think deeper about my posts on Barbie Dolls, Baby Dolls, and Boys but I told you that when boys are playing we are learning how to dominate other men, competitiveness, comradery, and strategy. This gives us an advantage. What happens to the guys who aren't outside learning those things?

They are seeking advice...

If you are doing this in a Hitch sort of way, where you have a girl that you want to attract and then you're seeking advice on the approach and such, that's cool. The fact that you have humbled yourself lets me know that you know who you are. It lets me know that you know your limitations. It even lets me know that you're a go getter and are willing to do whatever it takes to achieve your goal, that is cool. In fact its real cool.

Now for the others...

You couldn't get the girl in high school. You couldn't get the girl in college. You can't get the girl in life. You're now angry.  If you read the suppression theory post then you understand what is really going on. You suppressed all of those sexual desires for so long. I get it. You got bullied as a kid, so you became a Sensei. If you're now beating up people who aren't trained you're now the bully, genius. It takes a weak dude to convince themselves that I'm going to go out and get a girl to "smash" that night. I get that your scoop and score record is impeccable now that you have been "trained", but is that the point? Is the point to be running around after you have been "trained" to fight against the untrained, really? That is what makes you a fuching weak dude. That girl that you are meeting for the first time isn't your highschool, college, or life crush, she's an unsuspecting victim. She doesn't realize that you have a clamp on the nozzle. I'm even giving you credit for mastering the skill.

No man filled with premium energy (love energy) says to himself "man she's beautiful, I want her for tonight". Sexual energy can be bottled, it's called alcohol. The problem with this form of sexual energy is that it's very volatile. You're normal mode is over written by the bottled sexual energy. But it is clear that you can only be trained to get the girl and thus have to keep repeating the cycle. Get the girl to share her emotions meanwhile you're holding onto yours, I get that, trust me. What is really happening is that you have developed this persona that isn't really you. Maybe you took on the personality of your trainer utilizing some muchismo mannerisms that you believe excites women. You can't keep that up forever because... you faked it until you made, but now what?

If you need assistance with relationships, I will help; leave a comment, keep reading, or simply just stay tuned.

As always remember be fuching selfish and through witnessing your happiness others can view themselves the same.


Looks like a duck, talks like a duck, walks like a duck, so it must be a duck.

This simple correlation is why women have so many problems during the selection process. Why do you fall for the same things over and over again? I'll tell you why your heuristic mapping is wrong. Maybe you never heard of heuristics. A quick definition of heuristics is making something that's overly complicated into something overly simple. Let's take our first line and break it down. Yes, I will break it down for men too, so both sexes can gain some insight.

Women will say it looks like a duck, so it must be a duck. You will come to this conclusion rather quickly. This works in test-taking too. More often than not the first answer you thought of is the right answer, because heuristics it's the one you're going to choose. That gives the impression that you're super smart, which in a lot of cases is true. That's great! Heuristics work in most cases however it can be off a bit, based on how your mind is mapped. So if you see a guy and he's dressed clean, that may lead you to believe he's disease-free. If you see a guy and he's in a suit you may determine that he's important somewhere. But the most important thought that you have that will constantly get you into trouble is the thought that men think with the wrong head... That is an oversimplification of an overly complicated process.

Here's how we think

It looks like a duck, talks like a duck, walks like a duck, so it must be a duck. This is called inductive reasoning. This inductive reasoning is an experienced-based approach to problem-solving. We had to have seen a duck. We had to have heard a duck talk. We had to have witnessed a duck walking. These experiences we draw on to come to the conclusion that it's a duck. Everything here lately has been about our primal ancestors. How we eat, how we work out, and now our approach to dating. We have been taught strategy since we were boys playing outside. If we married the first girl we fell in love with then women would not have this problem. But since that is rarely the case they have to deal with the consequences of our battle strategies. Women, generally speaking, care about the survival of the offspring we men care about the survival of ourselves. This means, to us, we have to survive in order for the tribe to survive. Inevitably we get hurt by our first love. We need to develop a way to avoid this injury again. With each time we "conquer" a woman we become more developed in our skill. Some of us become so developed in our skills that it plays mental abuse to us. We are not sure if you did the things you did last night because you liked us or because of our battle strategy. This is the reason why time is needed on both parts.

Time allows both of us to feel safe and not mix the energies. Love energy has to be released and accepted before sexual energy or this will automatically cancel out the relationship. The reason it appears that we think with the "wrong head" is that sexual energy is the energy we need for battle. Since our bodies are preparing to do battle, you get that first. Until we develop our confidence the same feeling we get when we are about to get into a fight is the same feeling you get when we approach. Our bodies can't tell whether we are in front of a Sabertooth Tiger or a woman. Once we realize that we are not in an actual battle and we feel safe that you are no longer trying to hurt us, then we will release love energy. This is released and accepted by face-time, whether on the phone or in-person doesn't matter, we just need to be interacting with each other.

Women you can avoid the pitfall of relationship heuristics and we can avoid the pitfalls of our relationship inductive reasoning through time. We need to invest time in each other in order for our investments to appreciate. Land or foundation is the only thing that never depreciates. We all just need to make sure we invest in the right plot.

This is an epic post because there are concepts in this post that I know you never heard before, I believe they will change your outlook going forward.

If you need help with relationships, I will help, leave a comment, keep reading, and stay tuned.

As always remember to be fuching selfish and through witnessing your happiness others can view themselves the same.


I told you guys years ago that men and women can't be friends, at least not until after you're married. You want to know what happens... why you ended up in the friend zone... it's because of you. Yep, I said YOU are the fuching problem. I need you to become so negative at the idea of being someone's "friend" that you never decide to put yourself there again. Several things are going on, and they all point at YOU.

Let's revisit this post. Oh, this post was good too. The first thing you need to realize is that the two of you didn't just walk up to each other and say, "I want to be your friend." There was something that attracted the two of you to each other. You can make the argument that school or work is what attracted the two of you together. That is the lowest self-esteem way of thinking, and you need to get rid of it right now. RE-Lease the contract you have with that idea right now. You two may have been in the same place as a class or work, but you're hanging out after class or work, which rules that out genius.

Now that you have realized that the two of you are attracted to each other, we have to address your confidence. You had the confidence to engage in the after-hour activity. No, that doesn't mean sex, but after class or after work, keep up. My mantra for 2015 is this "You faked it until you made it, now what?" You faked having SWAG, now what? Unless you really have SWAG and don't believe it. Okay, if you needed someone to confirm whether you have it or not, I will. YOU do! You just now have to act on it. That brings us to the meat and potatoes of what is really going on.

You have to understand energy, its uses, and how it works. If you are a male and are trying to win the heart of that lucky female, who at present thinks she's just your friend. She's not your friend, bro. She's the object of your affection. So what are you doing wrong? You are leaving her hanging. Imagine your car and its gas tank. Your car is her. You fill her up with premium (love energy). You take her to do all things that most would say is romantic. It can't be romantic unless there's romance genius. So you fill her gas tank up with love. Love can't give her a full tank, though. For her to be full, you have to give her super high-octane or sexual energy. If she doesn't get this from you, you make it easy for any bum off the street to get your girl because she will attribute all that love energy to him when he gives her the sexual energy. All your hard work is taken away by me! The more confident gentleman. When I come along, you have done all the work for me. I need to give her some sexual energy, and you're now officially on the back burner, and I now get to decide your fate. But you're more confident than you realize. Oh, this is a classic "I don't want to ruin the friendship. Something is better than nothing, right?" Hell no! Something is only better than nothing when only something is what you want. Suppose you want more than you have to get more. Here's a tip. Stop being fuching timid and tell her how you feel. Timidity is something you only experience when there's a lack of confidence. Take her saying that she wants to be friends one of two ways: 1. Either she's just as scared as you are and is letting you off the hook by saying she wants to be "friends." 2. You're not man enough at the moment. You have to create the impulse buy. It's like the commercial that says I have this great deal for you, but it only lasts today, so don't miss out. Suppose she mentions friends again; you never speak to her again. She's going to wonder what happened, and you tell her that you wanted more, no further explanation, walk away. That level of confidence will give her a sexual charge boom; she better makes a decision and soon. Now that you have all this confidence in yourself, girls like her will be magnetized to you and come from all directions.

If you're a girl, you just have to have confidence in yourself. Float with this air of confidence and wait for him to come to you. You could release the tension a little bit by putting him in situations that force him to make a decision. Like when you're face-to-face for whatever reason, and you grab him and wait for him to kiss you. If he doesn't then, he doesn't have the confidence to be with you, and he will never be able to fill your bucket, so on to the next. Women have it so easy in this game. All you have to do is have confidence. We'll do the rest. If we aren't doing the rest, then you need to think about what you're attracting. You discover what you're attracting by thinking about the things you think about. Get you a list of all the things you want in a man. I don't care what you put on the paper; he better have it. If you can't check off every item, you know what's going to happen. You will let your confidence choose your mate, and then you will attract the one you really wanted...

The moral of the story is that you have to be confident. There is no such thing as opposite-sex besties. One of you is not keeping it real. I'm here for you. Leave a comment below to let me know your thoughts. Oh, if you want a shortcut to learning about buckets and nozzles checkout this, that, and the other thing. If you suppress how you feel when it explodes, it's going to be the wrong time, expressing the wrong ideas, and will not be perceived the way you want.

If you need help with relationships, I will help leave a comment, keep reading, and stay tuned.

As always, remember to be fuching selfish, and through witnessing your happiness, others can view themselves the same.



Swag by my definition is a mathematical quantification of one’s demeanor, personality, and overall attractiveness as perceived by others. This department is where most of us fat dudes fall victim to predators. Walking around completely unsure of whether you fit in or not. Just like needs, swag has a hierarchy. In order to build your swag you must start with the base of the hierarchy and not skip steps. The hierarchy is as follows: the base is shoes; the next level is head appeal, then shirt, pants, and finally accessories. Those are the basics we will discuss swag boosters throughout the article.

The base is your shoes, without this, you cannot stand, or walk. How did shoes get to be the base? Well as a Fashionlytic I came to the conclusion that whether you're fat, skinny, starter, or bench warmer if you take all that away the difference is your shoes. Outside of natural appearance, it’s the first thing kids make fun of. Now hear the truth it doesn’t matter whether they are expensive or cheap just clean and fresh looking. You have to believe that your shoes are the schit! You can recognize instantly when a person believes their shoes are cool because they have the “new shoe walk”. This walk is where your swag begins to show. As people ask themselves why he walks like that, then they look down and see a pair of fresh kicks. Now what happens next, isn’t gender-specific, everyone in whatever jargon or slang you speak says to themselves, or if your swag is “on a thousand” they will say nice kicks. Now see the truth many will argue the name brand cheap thing but picture this Rick Ross shoes, expensive or cheap. Because of his swag, you aren’t going to question it. You want to know how I shop for shoes that are going to boost my swag. Shopping to find your base is easier than you think, it can be done with little cash. Say for example I wanted new shoes to wear out tonight but I only have $30, and I need them tonight. For all the fashion Guru’s this is a lesson on swag not how to spend money. I would go to Payless, yes Payless, they have a good selection and they are relatively inexpensive. For example, right now I could build my outfit around a pair of Lakeside slip-ons by Dexter. This shoe is versatile because it can be worn hanging out or going to the club. Your facial recognition factor is the next level.

Keep reading and by the end of this article, you will be a complete Swaggateer. People will look directly at your face. Head appeal is a crucial element in controlling perception. Dismiss the truth you may be ugly, and if you believe that then you lose because swag is based on how others perceive you. So stop here and go cry in the corner of your room in your parents’ house with Twinkies and a love story. If you believe you are the schit then read on. When others see your face their eyes should be greeted with a smile. Since you don’t know who’s watching you, then you should always be smiling. If their eyes are met with a mug then the bus stops there. You become unapproachable or you’re having a bad day, all of which translates to ugly. But because we are smiling now we are warm and available for conversation. Side Note: Everybody is ugly to somebody, no matter how you cut it. Your face should be groomed, hair cut, and lips not chapped. Lips not being chapped does not mean running around with your lips poppin’. At this point she will say to herself if he is this clean then his life must be that way as well. This translates to he has no drama and if he does he has a handle on it, equaling dateable or worthy of getting to know them. Not saying that is the case it's just how she perceives it. Once again with swag not being gender-specific then men will say you fresh or something of the sort. At this point, you can take control of any chance meeting with one word, hi. That one word, believe it or not, is the most difficult thing in the world to say for a swagless person. The “hi” is open-ended, which means it invites conversation but because you are in control now the response is up to the swag of the other person. Don’t get too caught up in the “hi” though you should say it to everyone. The “hi” says I recognize your presence, which could ward off would-be attackers. How do you really rev up your swagodometer?

Keep reading.

The shirt plays an important role in this aspect. As the third level of the hierarchy, this will begin to add momentum to your swag. Ok, your shirt has to be clean, pressed (ironed no wrinkles). Having wrinkles can move you into the disorganized category, and if you are big enough, the sloppy category. Both of those categories denote bad things and should be avoided. What stands out the most, and can be seen from a hundred miles away, is the shirt size. If the shirt is too small it says “I like what I like and I don’t care what you think”. That may be an outstanding quality in other areas but not when trying to gain swag. Oh and don’t think because it's high-end, name-brand it means something, it doesn’t. It will only lead to you being laughed at or talked about. Whether they say it to your face or behind your back they are still saying it. At this point, you are one foot into the coffin of friendship. The reciprocal is a shirt that is too big. These are the shirts that hang down to your knees. You know the ones that were labeled short sleeves but when you put it on the sleeves are ¾ long, looking like the shirt sleeves were rolled up then cut off, terrible. It says “hey world I have something to hide” the only problem is that everyone knows what it is I’m fat and I lack confidence! This guarantees you end up in the friendship coffin and buried deep. The person who dresses this way will be timid and want to avoid confrontation, that’s why you get picked on. Predators will attack the easiest prey shirts that size appears like a bullseye. If you put on a shirt that fits it screams I know who I am, I am confident in whom I am, and most importantly I want to be who I am. Boom, at this point you have not voluntarily put yourself in the friendship coffin, so you’re good so far. The double-up bonus equals wearing a shirt that hasn’t come out yet or that nobody would wear, at least not until they saw how you did it. A common comment that you know that you have been swag boosted is as simple as that’s a nice shirt from girls or I saw that shirt from guys. From a man that translates to I did not have the swag to wear the shirt so I didn’t buy it. When girls say it, it translates to you look nice in that shirt. You are almost to the top!

Pants are the final most statically underappreciated area of swag. Correctly choosing a pair of pants puts you on the road to being swaggeriffic. Britches, excuse my ole’ school, that are too small tells the universe that I want to desperately fit in, and not ever go against the grain, or I don’t look at myself. Again people will talk about you! That’s a clear violation of the swag code and therefore you have been D-O-W-N-G-R-A-D-E-D. Pants that are too big whisper I’m fat, but I don’t want you to know exactly how fat I am. I lack confidence, individual character, and I’m not happy with myself… If you put a rock in front of this person they will try to hide under it. If you’re lucky, because you don’t know who you are then you can be made into whatever she wants you to be. If she doesn’t have anyone to chill with, guess who’s up. If she wants to feel loved because her real love interest doesn’t like her, guess who’s up. If she has a secret that she wants to tell and doesn’t want anyone to know, guess who’s up, the unpopular swagless fat guy. These are the only circumstances that she will call you. Now metaphorically you're dead buried deep in a coffin. If you want to be swagtastic you will purchase pants that fit. Men will say, in a masculine tone, “I like those jeans, where did you get them”. Women will most likely comment on the outfit as a whole, this is because if she says “nice jeans” checkmate, she was checking you out. Now you are almost ready to go to the skybox.

Are you ready let’s go!

Accessorizing isn’t just for women. How we accessorize makes us men. Now, this isn’t the 90’s where you would put on every chain you owned every time you left the house. For men, we have to keep it simple like a watch, and or a single chain. If you have the right head size you can add a head-gear like a ball cap, or fedora. Since we have all been accustomed to watching so much TV, glasses are an excellent option as an accessory. Because you have to wear them you might as well pick a stylish looking pair. Stylish looking is just that stylish looking, not name brand or expensive. We do not carry black books anymore we carry cell phones. Some women value your subtle telling of how much money should be in your bank account by having flashy cell phones. As I love having the latest cell phone gadget I’m a fan of the cell phone as an accessory. Unless you are married get rid of the rings. Cheap outfits are instantly thought of as exclusive and expensive with the addition of a cool watch and cell phone.

Published February 22, 2011