Appreciation hmmm. Should you be appreciated? Should you feel appreciated? Do you even understand appreciation?
Relationships, just like everything else, have a value system.
We teach this value system without understanding how the system works. Allow me to explain
If you do a quick search on the World Wide Web, meaning Google it, the word appreciation Google will define appreciation by giving the following definition “the recognition and enjoyment of the good qualities of someone or something.”
Webster (online) offers a couple of definitions:
A feeling or expression of admiration, approval, or gratitude
Increase in value.
Google’s definition is what the world has accepted without any details. Webster’s first explanation is just like Google, no details, but the second is where the big clue lives.
“Increase in Value”
In another post about the idiom, why buy the cow if the milk is free? I talked about the way you think or were taught to think. What I said was “if it has a value you buy it and if it has no value it’s free. If you restate it properly the idiom would be “don’t invest in anything that doesn’t produce a benefit.”
Let’s see how this works.
When you know your value then and only then can you start to appreciate. There is intrinsic value and extrinsic value. You weren’t taught the understanding of intrinsic value so you have no clue how that works, therefore, you look extrinsically for your value.
First, this is a flawed way of viewing things because there is not one person in the world that can see the world from your vantage pointe. The only person that can see from your vantage point is God.
What is an intrinsic and extrinsic value?
Intrinsic value in this context is another word for self-worth. It’s how you think of yourself. It all boils down to confidence. Your level of confidence determines your worth in any situation.
An extrinsic value in this context is the value that the world has placed on you.
You are taught that intrinsic value will never match extrinsic value so you use extrinsic value to base your evaluation. Think of a penny. This penny can be boiled down to form copper and now to form zinc and copper. The way you were taught was that the copper from the penny is worth less than the one cent the penny is valued at or you would just melt the penny. If you translate that to you, then that would mean that you’re worth less than the value the world puts on you for being you.
What do you do? You base your confidence on how you’re treated in the world, not your confidence. If the world thinks you’re worthless you allow your confidence to reflect the world’s view of you.
In this vein of thought, you can never appreciate because the value of you is always changing based on the pictures you’re seeing. This is the real reason why you have idols. You see them and based on the way the world treats them you believe you will be treated if you can reach their pedestal. This also explains stereotypes because the pictures you see tell you who you are loud and clear. Also, you hear it over and over again so you believe you see confirmation.
The opening questions lead to totally different views on appreciation and ultimately why you’re not appreciated. It’s not until you start to value you then you can appreciate. Everyone has a baseline and anything above that baseline is appreciation.
Should you be appreciated? Yes, if you have provided value to someone or the world above the baseline. Think of it this way, while you’re dating you hang out spending time together helping build the confidence of the other person. The baseline is hanging out but because they are gaining confidence that you help to instill then to them you’re gaining value – being appreciated.
Should you feel appreciated? Yes, if you understand that you’re more confident today than you were yesterday. Think of it this way, while you’re dating you hang out spending time together. Because time is mental cash that when spent you can’t get back only invested you’re gaining confidence – felling appreciated.
Do you understand appreciation? Abso-freakin-lutely!
Let's talk about Social Media for a second. I open up Instagram. I type in "Relationships". The first thing I see is the account leaders, I guess. I click on the first account. Guess what I see as their latest post? I'm paraphrasing but it says something to the effect of don't beg for a friendship or relationship; you should receive the same effort as you give or let them go.
I thought wooooooooow that was so insightful. I'm not hating on the account but c'mon man people need cures, not treatment.
I ask you what do you gain from hearing this?
It's a rhetorical question because I know the answer, nothing.
Ok, let me ask you this, If you see a rose grow from concrete did the rose put in more or less effort than a rose that grows out of the ground in a garden?
I don't know because I'm not a rose.
So you judge the environment in which the rose grew and make assumptions about how difficult it was for the rose. I mean it had to be difficult for a rose to grow through concrete. Right? Maybe.
Everyone sees this broken concrete and through it blossomed a pretty rose. Everyone steps over the rose moves around the rose to admire the rose's beauty all day. At night the rose is a sight to see. The way the street lights bounce off the concrete to shine on the rose tells you although the rose's life has been rough you can't stop its shine.
But what about the beetles, mites, caterpillars, and grasshoppers in the garden? Not to mention the predators that eat them while they are eating. Oh, insecticides showering the rose to hopefully get rid of all of that.
Now, who has to put in more effort to grow?
This is why content like this doesn't serve to help you with your #relationshipgoals. You have to understand why you made the judgment in the first place. You have to understand you, then it will be easier to judge how much effort was put in because it will be based on how much you require.
Out of curiosity which rose are you?
You’re beautiful. You have the job, the body, and personality. When you walk into any room instantly you become one of the desirables. Then why the fuck are you single (insert angry emoji).
I’ll tell you why you’re single. Who you are doesn’t match with your self-esteem. There’s a mis-match.
Because of this mis-match you live in a confused world. By being confused you lie to yourself about who you are and because you’re lying to yourself you’re inadvertently lying to him.
You know you’re desired. You know you’re beautiful and smart. You know you’re sexy. You know all of those things until you leave the house.
Think of it this way, if I want to find people who love to play basketball I’m not going to go to the soccer field. Even if I sucked at basketball I would potentially find other people that suck too but love the game. That’s less likely at the soccer field. At the soccer field, you’re going to find people who love soccer.
Why would you go to the soccer field trying to find b-ball players, you wouldn’t, right? Oh, but you are.
The majority of people spend time where they are comfortable. There is a reason you feel comfortable there. Belongingness is wanting to be a part of a group. Where you go is driven by your self-esteem or confidence. By my example you went to the soccer field looking for people who love to play basketball, right?
Ok, let me put it another way. Let’s say you’re a Doctor. Let’s say you’re really sweet with it like Dr. Strange. You drive a black on black Lamborghini. You have a home hidden in the woods on a gazillion acres of land. If you were to hang out after work, where would it be? My guess is that it would be at some high-end lounge where only the elite of the elite can get into, you know, people on the level of Dr. Strange. You would not hang out downtown in Collegetown, USA. Would he?
The reason you wouldn’t is that you believe you are the best at what you do and people who are the best at what they do wouldn’t dare go there. Mentally you don’t have anything in common with commonfolk so you wouldn’t fit in. The sense of belongingness wouldn’t be there.
Right now your mind has shut off and it’s what is largely responsible for your relationship status. Let me explain, then I will tell you how to get past this bullschit.
If you go to the soccer field to look for basketball players then you may be the worst soccer player there and that’s ok. The reason it’s ok is that you aren’t that interested in soccer you’re interested in basketball. If they decide to teach you to play soccer it’s ok because there is no expectation because everyone already knows you suck. But here’s the trick. Because everyone there is really good at soccer it’s less likely they’re also good at basketball. So even without being tested, they assume you’re really good at basketball. This makes you the best basketball player on the soccer field.
How well do you feel? Comfortable remember.
So for the moment, you learn to play soccer but every time you want to play basketball they want to play soccer. So there is this disconnect. You either play soccer with the crew or play basketball alone until you find a crew that loves basketball. But if you found a crew that loved to play basketball then the fact that you suck will get put on Front Street and you will be forced to deal with the fact that you suck and get better if it’s what you love.
You want to be like Dr. Strange and hit the court knowing you’re the best or at least hang with the best.
Here’s how to make sense of this confusion. Unless being single is a choice most people will never understand this. There’s a little voice in your head that no one other than you can hear or talk to. She’s always with you. I know this sounds crazy but when you get comfortable hanging out with her then you will begin to properly align yourself. When you’re on the court practicing by yourself you’re getting better at hanging with her. Now let’s exchange the basketball court for anything you love to do. Finding love is easy when you know where to look and I just told you where to look. If you went to the bar with her (the person inside your head) then you’re not alone. So you two enjoy a drink or two or three and enjoy yourself.
Take ownership of yourself.
Be like Dr. Strange I spoke about. Hangout where people like you, the elite of the elite, hang out. More than likely you’ll find someone just like you there. Pick a place you love that’s where the elite of the elite like you hang out. If it’s the movies, go to the movies. If it’s an art museum go to the fucking museum.
Luck happens when the Universe spots love.
When you read Genesis in the Bible God is talking to someone. Who? Himself or someone else? Could it Be?
Adam and Eve committed the first sin. Could it Be?
The Father, The Son, and The Holy Spirit equal the Holy Trinity. Could it Be?
Every single movie turns out to be a love story. Could it Be?
The difference between yours (single) and ours (plural) is y (why), right? Could it Be?
Could it be that everything that we were taught is the result of relationships? That sounds absurd, I know, but could it be?
When we learned the creation story we learned that the first day He said “let there be light” and the light was good that was day one. Then on day two, he separated the sky from Earth. Ok, the Bible uses firmament but firmament is a sphere which then creates imagery of a snow globe and within that snow globe we have separation of the water from below and water from above which means clouds in the sky or heaven. Then on the third day, He sowed and reaped, right? He planted grass with seeds and fruit trees which resulted in seeds falling back to earth. The fourth day He said in the Heaven (sky) the sun will be the light of day and the moon along with the stars be the light of night. He looked and yeah that looks good.
Using the sun and moon to distinguish signs and seasons, days and years. The fifth day in the creation story God created all the living creatures of land and sea. He then says be “fruitful and multiply”. The sixth day gives clue to the fact that God is not alone. God said look I gave you every herb with seeds and I gave you trees with seeds. To all the beasts I have given them herbs to eat. He noticed everything he had done and said it was very good. Then the seventh day he rested.
When I hear that I think of The Father who has been given a honey-to-do list by His Wife (The Holy Ghost).
The Holy Trinity is The Father, The Son, and The Holy Ghost. You can't be a Father without a Son and you can't have a son without a Mother and since Mother isn't mentioned directly that means...
I explain this in more detail in my upcoming E-Book Plucked From Heaven
Back to the interpretation.
He got his chores on day one. Day two he prioritized. Day three he went to work planting the grass and fruit tree seeds. He felt he not only did a good job but he could see in the future of how beautiful they were going to look. Day four He worked tirelessly day and night to get everything done. He realized that he used the sun to see everything in the daytime but he could also see in the night using the moon and the stars. Day five He created the names of all these things, therefore, he made them exist.
He said, “go be fruitful and multiply”. That’s how you show appreciation for your work! Day six after completing the list he says look Woman (The Holy Ghost). I planted the grass that has seeds so this grass will continue to grow on its own, boom. I planted the fruit trees. Not just any fruit trees but the fruit trees with seeds so when the seeds drop they are going to create more fruit trees, boom. Oh wait, there’s more. I fed all the animals with herbs. I gave names to the creatures of the land, sea and the sky (Heaven). Tomorrow I’m chilling. God's to-do list was completed and that made him feel good. The Holy Ghost is pleased because he has done so.
The point of all this is that what is missing from and ties everything to every story is the role of the Woman. Not only the role of the woman but marriage. Adam and Eve would have never committed the sin had they waited and gotten married or if nothing else the approval from God, The Father. As should be even in modern-day marriages.
Not only was he married but he was able to accomplish so much once given direction. (*wink-wink*)
I’m sitting in my office when it suddenly hit me. Was I taught to take advantage of people if they let me? Should I charge for everything that I do for anyone? On the flipside, could I possibly be better off financially if only I took advantage? Was this ideology taught to me with one simple idiom?
Then I asked three different people from three completely different backgrounds what they thought the idiom meant.
Wouldn’t you know it they all had the same exact explanation.
They all explained to me that it meant, to put it simply, “don’t be a hoe”. They all turned their nose up to look down on the cow for giving her milk away for free.
I was like wait, what?!
But then it all makes sense when I thought about it. I can’t stand the way in which you are taught relationships. It reminds me of the scene in Boys N’ Da Hood when Doughboy played by Ice Cube says to Cuba Gooden Jr. (Trey) after Ricky (Morris Chestnut) got killed as a result of senseless gang violence, “either they don’t know, don’t show or don’t care about what be going on in the hood.”
If you haven’t figured out what idiom I’m referring it’s, why buy the cow if the milk is free?
This idiom wasn’t built on the idea of promiscuity. It is not because men will never commit to a girl who is rather carefree, sexually. The emphasis is on two words “buy and free”. It actually depicts a story of an even exchange.
If you buy her a drink are you paying for the milk? The cow? If you pay for dinner and a movie did you just pay for the milk and the cow?
I don’t know and you don’t know either.
What do we know? We do know that if you pay for something you should get something in return.
Not understanding the foundation behind that one statement has ruined countless potential marriages. A marriage can be viewed as a lucrative deal. This can be very confusing if the message goes untaught or explained.
If you simply say to your daughter “why should he buy the cow if the milk is free” you, inadvertently, teach your daughter that if he pays for something then he should get something. You don’t tell her what he should get or what he is paying for or even what the payment method or terms are if we are considering this a lucrative deal.
As far as she’s concerned if he pays for the milk he should get the cow!
If you simply say to your son “why should you buy the cow if the milk is free” just like with your daughter you taught your son that if he pays for something he should get something. So he’s quick to buy milk knowing that he’s going to get the cow! On top of that if he doesn’t pay for the cow but he gets the milk, to him that means no one owns the cow so the milk is free for everyone! So he doesn’t want the cow and he’s damn near scared to drink the milk.
The idiom in itself is ambiguous but should be explained with context. No, you shouldn’t try to “get over” or exploit anyone in any deal.
The first thing that you have to know is that there are two forms of cash, mental and physical. Mental cash is all the things that don’t have a physical representation like time. Physical cash is something tangible, you can touch it.
If you don’t explain the two forms of cash then the idiom is taken literally. “Buy and free” are the only words that make sense to any situation because that picture applies directly to you and everyone. The image of milking a cow doesn’t do anything for you. You understand that if it has the value you buy it. And if it has no value it’s free.
I have to say that one more time because it depicts the way you think. You understand that if it has the value you buy it. And if it has no value it’s free. If you've bought a drink, dinner, movie, jewelry - whatever he’s paying for your time.
To help this make sense let’s picture you’re fifteen and you want to purchase your first car. You know the exact car you want. You go to the dealership. It’s your lucky day, the owner of the dealership is there to greet you when you show up to the lot. The car you want costs twenty-five thousand dollars. He says to you that you could either take out a loan for the twenty-five thousand dollars or you can come by every weekend for the next year and from open to close wash cars and then the car is yours.
If you chose to take the loan because you wanted the car right now, you pay twenty-five thousand dollars for the car, physical cash. You will get the car right away. The value of the car to you is twenty-five thousand dollars.
If you take the better deal of coming by every weekend for the next year to wash cars and the car is yours, was the car actually free?
You didn’t pay anything for it? Or did you?
This is the way in which we need to explain or understand relationships or if nothing else the idiom. Physical cash may speed up the end result, which ultimately should be marriage, a lucrative deal. Since the idiom wasn’t explained more often than not if he pays for something he gets something so this leads to sex. He paid with something physical and he got something physical just like going to the store and buying a pair of sneakers. When those sneakers get old or worn out what do you do with them? If he doesn’t pay for anything at all… well, we all know what we do with free.
We have all watched several seasons of POWER.
In this Starz drama about a drug dealer trying to go legit. Ghost is the street name of Jamie St. Patrick. Mr. St. Patrick, trying to go legit owns a nightclub named Truth. Jamie "Ghost" St. Patrick is married with two kids at this point. Jamie's high school sweetheart, Angie Valdez, a Federal Agent, gets transferred abruptly by her father to another school.
Angie Valdez wonders into his nightclub hunting down a major druglord Kingpin and that's where the drama began
That's the backstory.
When Angie reemerges all of the feelings that Jamie had in high school surfaced as well.
As I explain in the episode Ghost gets Ghosted podcast if you do not completely close the door, then it's open.
What is being Ghosting?
Ghosting is when you fall deeply in love or just get really engaged in a person and then they disappear. That's the short version.
Ghosting is when you get your bucket or nozzle filled with premium energy then subsequently source disappears. Like a ghost.
Imagine you're as happy as you've ever been. Your life has all of sudden became the Usher sound "You Got It Bad". You're with that person day and night in what appears to be relationship bliss.
Then this person disappears and you don't know why.
Ghosting effects you mentally.
It leaves you stuck.
All of the most negative thoughts about yourself are now laughing at you and you can't get them to shut the fuck up.
This causes depression and low self-esteem. It places a brick in your bucket or nozzle.
How and why do people employ this awful technique?
The how is simple. You don't answer any phone calls, text, email, dm's, snaps or tweets.
The why is key.
You're dealing with this guy and you're so into him.
However, he disappears resulting in a mass culmination of all the aforementioned emotional hangups. By him leaving a brick in your bucket and disappearing he never gives you closure.
If the door isn't closed its open.
He discovered that his reason for cutting off all communication with you was unwarranted or the grass he thought was green had shades of brown on it. He wants you back.
He'll tell you that whatever the reason he disappeared was about him and not you.
He dared to utter the words "you're perfect". You took the bait. What you hear next will be exactly what you need to hear to swing the door wide open and let him back in.
Ghosting has more to do with the entrance rather than the exit!
Ghosting is a result of someone who wants to be in your life but is unsure. He needs to have a seamless way back into your life. This is done by just leaving. Just leaving does not give you closure and creates self-doubt. This self-doubt is like a key to the back door. Returning out of nowhere, removing the self-doubt, you inadvertently open the door to allow him back in.
When he "ghosts" you as in the case of Angie Valdez and Jamie St. Patrick they disappear without a trace. Seemingly for no reason at all.
I bet you didn't know Lions did this. What? Tell us already.
I went to see the 1994 movie titled The Lion King about six times in the theatre.
Yes, I paid to see it that many times.
Yes, I cried all six times when Mufasa died. You better leave me alone.
That sparked an interest because I realized that I knew nothing about Lions.
Lions are King, but why not tigers?
Why are Lions the subject of about 80% of all motivational quotes?
Lions love the fight.
Tigers want to end the fight quickly and when they can’t they become uninterested, in other words, quit. Lions are the epitome of don’t rush, persevere.
When the male cub reaches puberty, in human terms, he is sent out to fend for himself to build a new pride. He is sent out either on his own or with his friends, they are called a coalition.
When the cub comes across another pride he is killed. But if he should survive he becomes the Lion King. In the movie, we are led to believe that this happens by lineage. You have to challenge for the throne.
Here's where it gets interesting.
When there is a new Lion King he and his coalition will kill all the males in that pride.
Yes, that includes babies.
All of the women within that pride immediately get horney, go into heat or estrus.
The Lion King then goes to impregnate as many Lionesses as he has the energy for. Then after he can't go any longer his coalition get to pick from the rest in order of command. The next strongest gets to keep going until he's tired so forth and so-on.
It's now Saturday night.
You're out at the club.
You look around and suddenly you realize that you are surrounded by several "crews" or coalitions.
There's always that one crew that everyone knows in the club. He demands respect from most.
The Lion King.
The music starts to have those strong bass rifts and you can feel the tension building. You find yourself at the center of two coalitions because Lioness you're abnormally attractive.
As the beat picks up the arguing ensues. A fight breaks out.
The loser embarrassed and no longer respected as the Lion King has two options either shoot up the club or never return as the King.
All of the women get horney, go into heat or estrus as there is a new King on the block.
There is a reason why you choose the same mate and that is the same reason he can’t help himself.
As leader of the pack, you chose him because he would have the strongest genes.
Which means the highest chance of survival.
When your body starts sexually energizing you search for the strongest, most capable, prominent male figure you can find.
At that point it’s all animal instinct, secure the perpetuity of the pride.
This means that your unborn fetus is directing you to whom it wants its daddy to be.
In our society, we deny this is the case. We shame each other for our animalistic instinct. As men, we employ this naturally.
In the society of Lion's the social structure is the same as us. When there is a new Lion King there is a challenge for the throne. Beta males may get to choose from a lot of Lionesses that did not get impregnated by the King or his coalition. Lioness you're driven by your unborn offspring to choose the Lion King, as he will be most suited for their survival.
What did Cinderella found out that most of y'all never will?
We live in a world of uber careful introverts, with little to no social skill frightened by the very thought of being spoken to and at the same time seduced by the idea that someone may actually acknowledge their presence.
People these days are deep in thought and don’t want their internal monologue interrupted with petty chatter, so they walk with their head down.
This archetype makes up the majority of your city walkers.
This type of person is so smart and analytical that they recognize patterns and can determine, amongst other things, threat levels based on shoes. Nothing will make them look up faster than a nice pair of kicks.
How do you determine a “nice” shoe? Any shoes that fit properly and tell your story.
Finding a nice pair of shoes to an outfit is akin to God reaching out in Michael Angelo’s painting on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, you have to see what he’s pointing at.
There’s a conversation that happens between your shoes and their eyes.
Shoes make you want to read the rest of the book.
Are you a Hero or a Zero?
Let’s go on a journey.
The person looks up and there is this quick glance at your head. Facial recognition works like RoboCop analyzing a potential criminal attempting to determine friend or foe.
Then down to the shirt, followed by the pants, next noting any accessories, and then ultimately back to the shoes making check marks along the way.
The journey is complete.
Can you guess the ending?
You’ve now made assumptions.
Are you right?
Are you sure?
You have to prove your hypothesis. Just at that moment, the painting says Hi.
You would have never noticed the painting if you would have continued to walk around with your head down like Santiago carrying oil trying his hardest not to spill it as the main character in the book The Alchemist.
Prince Charming chose Cinderella based solely on a pair of shoes. He took the journey and determined she was a heroine (Female Hero). She quickly found out that she would still be broke and single without a great pair of shoes!
I’m not saying that you can’t find relationship euphoria without a good pair of shoes, I’m saying it would be really difficult.
How many women tried on those shoes and failed and ended up without a ring? Will that be you?
I want to hear all about your shoe experiences. What stories do you shoes tell or have told?
If we believe, and I do, that it takes 10K hours of focused energy to be successful at any one thing; it would take us 417 days (24hrs) of focused energy to achieve success. If someone is on your team and they plant negative thoughts the requirement can be longer, but let’s just say for now it’s only you. With the power of a team, synergy can cut this down divisible by the number of team members. That means if you and your boy believe in the mission you make the 10K divisible by the number of team members. You and your boy split the energy down the middle at 5K a piece so forth and so on.
When you have a woman on board this increases by the power of three. This means that a woman being involved cuts your required energy by a third. That translates to your energy requirement is now 3.3K and she accounts for 6.7K. She does without any physical effort just sheer belief in your mission or vision.
If you add-on your boy that means you guys split the energy that she doesn’t bring. That means that if it’s just you, your wife, and your boy who believe the energy requirement is 1650, 6700, and 1650, respectively. If your boy should get a wife that also believes in the mission or vision it can become successful beyond measure. That’s the gift. The curse is when she leaves or redirects her energy she takes the gift with her…
The proof is all around you. Look at any, and I mean any, successful man you don’t have to look far to find the woman. Men don’t have woman secretaries because women are less. Men have women as secretaries to channel their energy. Imagine having a wife and secretary as batteries, you become super-charged. Look at any affluent city and look at the marriage demographic. Google any up and coming city you will see that marriage is a positive correlation.
Father = Universe
Holy Spirit = Woman
Son = Result of the Holy Spirit
I think different, therefore I AM different. Don’t ask me how I know, just know that I know.
“I answer all your questions but then y'all got to go
Now the question I ask you is how bad you want to know? blow!” –Jay Z
You have love backward (fishcat | catfish).
While watching Catfish the MTV series I realized one thing.
The world is too superficial.
I'm watching this show in which people claim they have fallen in love online, with people they have never met, or even seen live. They fall in love with these great people and then they meet and something goes awry.
If you're really in love then so what they don't look like the person in the picture. This made me think of two things; good Catfish liars and bad Catfish liars.
If you look like your picture but you claim you're in love then you're a "bad catfish liar".
That is unless after you meet the person and they aren't the person in the picture you continue to love them.
Why do I call you a "bad Catfish liar"? You aren't representing your true self either. Pretending to be in love, sharing all your secrets, thoughts, and emotions based on how someone appears.
That's being in love with the idea of being with someone who you thought you would never in a million years be able to date, not the actual person, that makes you a liar.
The "good catfish liar" has two circumstances in my opinion.
The one who actually represented themselves worse than they actually are to get who they wanted.
That is the case in the movie Coming to America starring Eddie Murphy and Arsenio Hall. This is not what's going on here so I won't address it.
What I want to address is a perfectly good human being whose only flaw is their lack of confidence in their packaging or superficial appearance.
The two people appearing on the show match in every aspect except for the physical.
The physical is the iceberg, you only see the tip or 20%. Which means 80% of who that person truly is made up of what you can't see or mental. If you're an 80% mental match then you should be together because that's the stuff love is made of.
What I want to address is a perfectly good human being whose only flaw is their lack of confidence.
You have a recipe for relationship success when you find someone who makes you happy 100% of the time regardless of the 20% of them that is their appearance that society may say they lack.
The secret of Willpower is that Willpower is working against yourself or at least your conscious self.
Do you want to find that soul mate?
You want to manifest all your dreams and desires?
Exercising Willpower means that you are going against your Will.
We all recognize that a Will is something executable upon death.
There is some old Alfred (Don't mind the Batman reference) looking guy, that appears just outside of death himself, that delivers the news to your family members that a distant relative has amassed a fortune, unbeknownst to you'll and here you go. At least that's the way I pictured it, until...
Until I stopped being mentally abused by words!
Your Will is your request of the Universe.
Your Will is something that you want to be carried out while incapacitated.
Generally, you think of being "incapacitated" as brain-dead or dead. I offer another understanding. Incapacitated by definition means deprived of strength or power.
I offer the thought of being incapacitated as being deprived of strength or power to stop your Will or yourself from reaching your goals. When you stop thinking about an idea or something you wish to accomplish, miraculously you complete it.
Once you have given up physically and it's but a faint idea mentally somehow you reach your goal.
When you set a goal if it's mental you have only created a Will. It may or may not get carried out.
But when written, you're writing a Will, which has to be carried out by Universal Law.
Let's say the Lawyer that performs the act name is D. Universe. Since you're incapacitated, whether you're conscious or unconscious he will still carry it out, this is the Law. One of few laws that have actually always been carried out.
You establish your goal and then work to achieve your goal by focusing on the activities to achieve your goal, but not the goal itself.
Lebron James doesn't focus on being perfect at the free throw line, he practices on his form and being consistent and inevitably becomes perfect hitting free throws.
Picture this, One day you're in Walmart and you want that sugary glazed, know your fingers are going to be sticky, Honey Bun.
But you're still remaining faithful to your New Year's resolution.
So you tell yourself over and over again that you can't have that Honey Bun.
You're about 4 people back in line.
You know right by the impulse goods and someone calls you on the phone.
You answer the phone and it's your friend with the latest info so you're into the conversation.
Without realizing it the Honey Bun lands in the basket and then you justify eating it, it's only one and you already paid for it.
The Universe only understands the action. The action words are "have that Honey Bun".
Before you got on the phone you were exercising Will Power or power to go against your will. When you answered the phone and got into the conversation, your Will became executable. You got the Honey Bun.
Once something becomes a habit you no longer have to think about doing it.
If you no longer are thinking you're incapacitated!
You don't have the strength or power to stop your Will from being executed.
It's always on your mind to find your soul mate. The idea of having a soul mate is constantly on your mind. You have already written your Will.
However, it will not be carried out until you're incapacitated!
Stop thinking about finding a soul mate and get in the habit of doing the things and going the places that you would want to be accompanied by your soul mate. Magically they will appear.
While watching TWD I realized something... The Zombies are a metaphor for our daily lives. Here is a synopsis of the Zombies:
Any time you're doing something different the Zombies attack. Let's say you're trying to save money, the Zombies attack by saying you can't take it with you or wanting a handout. If you're trying to better yourself they attack by telling you that you ain't schit and your idea will never work. Let's say that you want to talk to that girl that everyone in your group think is so awesome but they convinces you that you can't get her.
Zombies can be spouses, family members, frenemies, enemies, the jealous, the envious, basically all the haters. Haters are Zombies. I'm sure you don't need it, but here are some real-world examples. You want to be rich, I mean how many of us don't. If you don't know how to do something you have to figure out how. You have to educate yourself. You start reading books on the subject. You're applying an action to your plan. You're actually saving money and remaining disciplined is out of the norm. Gunshot! Everyone has their hand out and they are applying a lot of pressure to get you to give up your hard-earned cash. They want you to be just like them, Zombies attacking.
You come up with what you believe to be a million dollar idea. You're passionate about the idea. You finally put a plan together to bring this idea to fruition. You plant the seed in the most fertile earth, your mind. The Church Bell rings! Here they come. Your family members, frenemies, enemies, the jealous, and the envious all will tell you that either it's already been done or worse, that YOU can't do it. If you're not truly passionate and resolute about your idea, the Zombies will kill you. They want you to be just like them.
S.W.A.G. is the final frontier. You're the fat guy. People will tell you that you don't deserve the girl of your dreams. Or maybe you're one of the cool kids, a so-called playa. When either of you gets the girl, the truck horn goes off and all the Zombies come to attack. The fat guy has to deal with all the male Zombies believing that because you got her, then they could have too. So they try. Now the fat guy has to deal with the female Zombies that attack because they now see that someone wants you all of a sudden so do they. They attack.
The so-called playas have to deal with the female Zombies like the fat guy but the male Zombies don't attack directly, they actually will attack the women to lure you out in the open making it easier for them to attack you. We have to make sure our women are equipped with the skills necessary to handle the Zombies. Men come back in her life as Zombies, she has to know that.
I offer a fourth scenario. When you become rich, successful, and married you no longer make any noise until there's a kink in your armor. You build a fortress that's virtually soundproof until you trip. Once you trip the sound echoes through all the land. Take Brother Steve Harvey for example; he was untouchable, as far as being a comedian, actor, with S.W.A.G. He makes one mistake and the Zombies come attacking.
Some people rather be eaten by Zombies because it's easier to move with the crowd. It's easier to not have to watch your steps so you don't trip. Some people rather be a Zombie so they don't have to be fiscally responsible. Some people would rather be a Zombie in order to have an excuse why they didn't get the girl or why they never stand out at work. If you're a part of the status quo you have the potential to be a Zombie.
If you want to get off the cowpath and create your own then you're alive! Death to all the Zombies.
I can't see it coming down my eyes, so I got to make the song cry.
That's the hook from Jay-Z's 2001 Song Cry off of the Blueprint Album.
Today while listening to Babyface on the radio and analyzing a current situation, it got me to thinking; the male R&B artist has gone into hiding.
I don't even know if there is a category for this anymore.
Right now one of my favorite jams is VSOP by K. Michele.
I think that's just an uplifting song with a jazzy beat. But that's a song written by a female for females; am I wrong for emotionally internalizing the words. You can hear my words here.
As men, we are taught to be strong and tough.
Our decision making is affected by feelings first and logic second. If we're feeling upset that means that someone has pulled the emotional trigger, but if we can change vest quickly those bullets will no longer affect us.
To get over the pain in this manner we have to either hide from the gun or change emotionally so those bullets don't affect us. If we are not taught how to do this we are forced to suppress the pain.
We all know that just ends up with us blowing up in anger and frustration. Men these days don't even know how to express their feelings, so they stay bottled up. Given this scenario, it would appear that we stand alone.
The interesting thing is that the radio would always seem to give you what you needed, at least back in the day.
Let's say you were upset at your girlfriend when your parents picked you up from school, on the radio would be Al Green's Let's Stay Together.
The music would subconsciously guide your next move.
The team would even give you the words to use.
When you started driving and you left your girl house you might get a Jon B., Usher, Tyrese, hell even Dru Hill.
These guys would let you know all about what love is and what it isn't for them; you had to choose your own path but at least you knew someone else was going through or went through it.
Nowadays listening to the radio you're so bombarded with this hoe, that bitch, get her drunk so tomorrow you can call her a t.h.o.t. and on to the next.
As men, we grew up learning strategy, comradery, teamwork, and competition.
It's a lot of pressure to always be tough, always be dominating. So when I heard Boy II Men's I'll make love to you, I learned how to treat a woman, we were a team.
When I wanted to share emotions (shhh s.e.x) I was the Point Guard coached by Barry White, assisted by R. Kelly. Even as tough as we're
supposed expected to be we could still use a team.
You can't win championships on your own, Jordan taught us that.
You have a bunch of men who are not allowed to be in touch with their feminine side.
There is always a masculine and feminine aspect in everything.
This means that the world is becoming more violent because you have guys that are not really tough, being subconsciously forced to be.
Now we have to decode each other's words to decode when we're really crying or in need of some uplift.
I can't see it coming down my eyes, so I got to make the song cry.
Nowadays your team is made up of all women.
When you're confused about the feelings you have, you get a woman telling you what you're experiencing.
She's talking to other women and you're overhearing it.
She's not talking to you.
When you hear a song about a woman expressing her feelings it's meant to be a guide for other woman and for you to have empathy for their plight.
This should make you a better person because you should never want to see anyone hurt.
That should work both ways only we don't have a team anymore.
You couple that with no strong male figure and you're basically alone, experiencing everything on your own. Learning as you go.
I guess it's up to me to bridge the gap.
I can't see it coming down my eyes, so I got to make the song cry.
There is only one thing worse than an excuse, justifying. An excuse is an internal thing like I was tired so I didn't go to the gym this morning. You'll know the proverb "Excuses are tool of incompetence". However the justifying is far worse. Justifying is worse because you put the reason you couldn't do something on some outside factor. By outside factor I mean someone or something other than yourself. I didn't get up to go to the gym because sleep felt too good this morning. Sleep just became the reason you didn't go to the gym. Now that I think about it justifying is why my goals are always almost met. Maybe yours too.
What happens is this you get close to your goal and then you justify why you can't do something to the contrary of your goal.
So you don't know what I'm talking about. Let's take those last five pounds you can't seem to get rid of. You are so close to your goal and then you justify why it's finally ok to grab that piece of cake or your Auntie's famous Mac n' Cheese. We say it's only one meal and you will knock the calories off in the gym tomorrow. Only when it's time to hit the gym tomorrow you say you will pick it up tomorrow and on top of that you took home a plate. Now you're on day 2. Then you ate bad for two days and missed the gym you might as well take the week off, after all you have been working really hard over these last couple of months. I get it trust me. How do you think I can write about this? We justified that it is ok because we have worked so hard this far and it's your Auntie's Mac n' Cheese. So we blame Auntie's Mac for being so good. We blame the gym for always being open tomorrow. This is the suppression theory smacking you in the face. When you go to get on the scale, after the night of bingeing, it didn't move, so you didn't gain any weight. Then the day after that you've gained eight pounds. Now into your worst nightmare and everyone's same fate, you start to continue to gain weight. You're now justifying your gaining of weight by saying it's really difficult to lose those last five pounds and everyone seem to have the same result. So now your workouts aren't as intense because you cheated with the cheat meal and you let the meal defeat you. Like Auntie's Mac n' Cheese contained a get fat virus that at first slowly caused you to gain weight and then boom it rapidly expands. Nope this all happened because you justified why it was ok in the first place.
Justifying is like strategizing the excuse. If you look for someone or something to blame for you to not do what you didn't want to in the first place you will eventually find it. Conversely if you look for someone or something to blame for you doing what you wanted to do in the first place you will eventually find it.
Think about it like this, if you want to sleep with someone other than your significant other you have to justify the reason by blaming someone else or something else for you doing what you wanted to do in the first place. That guy or girl from work you "randomly" meet at the bar and have a few drinks, you then can blame Patron for why y'all slept together.
If you don't like someone you never even met, don't even know personally you justify it by saying you don't like them because of the way they dress or how they carry themselves. As if their dress code did something to you. You act like the way they carry themselves did some sort of injustice to you.
Justifying is also worse because it's about people pleasing. If you don't want to do something instead of being "allowed" to say no you don't want to do it, you have to give a reason (justification) as to why you don't want to do it. Here's the kicker YOU ARE ALLOWED TO SAY NO!
In most cases when you are not let off the hook for justifying you then dial it back to an excuse. Now that you have given an excuse most people don't want to beat you when you're down so they just leave you with your excuses, and we all know the Proverb "excuses are tools of incompetence".
"I appreciate everyone, everything, and every event, whether seen or unseen, that led to me being me at every stage of me."-Swagger Coach
The Master and Slave are about a mentality. The quote is as follows "A slave that does not appreciate the fruit of their labor is doomed to remain a slave. A master that does not appreciate the fruit of the slave is doomed to become a slave." -Swagger Coach. This may be a bit confusing, I explain in depth here.
The idea is whatever you desire becomes Master to you and thus you become a Slave to it. The slave has to appreciate the fruit of their labor in order to remove themselves from being a slave. If I enjoy tending the garden then you punishing me by forcing me to tend the garden is no big deal, therefore you will have to find some other way to punish me.
I mention an appreciative and unappreciative Master. The Master that is unappreciative sees the slave as a machine, something that is unlike them. The unappreciative Master then drives and drives, pushes and pushes the slave to death, if they leave the company to the Master it is still like death. Upon the Slaves' death, the Master has to tend the garden but he doesn't know how; so his garden is dying and to keep it alive they must tend to it themselves, essentially making them a Slave. The Master only recognizes the things the Slave did to keep the garden beautiful once they have to do it themselves; upon the exit of the Slave.
I also mention a Slave must appreciate the fruit of their labor or they are doomed to remain a Slave. If the slave is only focused on the activity to which they are charged they never see the fruit, only the profit they make the Master. If they never see the fruit they will keep tending to the garden more focused and angry on the activity of making the garden beautiful but never appreciating the garden. In this case both the unappreciative Master and appreciative Master are the same because you will remain the Slave.
The unappreciative Master can't stand the thought of you being human and thus treats you like a machine. The appreciative Master doesn't understand why you can't see the beauty that is the garden so he is disgusted by you. He thinks what type of person can't see this beauty and thus keeps you a Slave hoping that one day you will see. Either way, you still create profits for the Master. Just as much as you hate them, they hate you. It's only when the machine dies or can no longer tend to the garden that they both will see the beauty. This removes the Master and Slave insignia and they both together become something else.
The Master and the Slave is in every aspect of our lives. Most case its blatant because of titles that indicate to everyone who is the Master and who is the Slave. However, there are other places this mental warfare shows up... Since I AM your Swagger Coach, the most important to me are your everyday relationships.
When you have two people the Master and the Slave relationship comes when someone needs the other. I don't have a car so I need someone to drive me around. He gets all the girls so I want him to be around. She lets me where all her fancy clothes so I need to keep her around. She does my hair for free so I need to keep her around. All the guys flock to her so I need to be around her. These are just a few quick examples.
The cliche' when you both get money, you will know if they were your real friend is what happens when you are no longer a Slave and they are no longer a Master. If they were unappreciative Masters then you will not have anything but separation. Alternatively, the Slave is no longer a Slave and the Master is no longer a Master and the two of you become true friends. Friendship can come about because you already respect and understand each other. I hope it is clear that the Master and the Slave battle is mental who's foundation is rooted in the appreciation.
Boys are taught to be Masters', I mean after all boys grow up to be men who are supposed to be protectors and providers. Domination is necessary. I told you that boys want to spend their time where they have the most fun, which so happens to be where they are most appreciated. That is until they meet a girl who appreciates them just as much as his friends does. If the man isn't the head of the house, he will find a house to be the head of. What do you think I was referring too. The head of the household is the Master of that household, hence the reason you call him Mister. Mister was Master until the emotional trigger made it no longer politically correct. Master and Mistress were married. Now the mistress is unmarried and has a negative connotation, but I digress.
He wants to be in the relationship and this is indicated by the commodity that he is willing to give to be in your space, his time. But being Master he doesn't understand that you can't see the fruit of your labor. You don't see the beauty in the garden and therefore he doesn't see you as his equal only his machine. So the unappreciative or appreciative Master then drives and drives, pushes and pushes the slave to death, if they leave the company to the Master it is still like death. As long as you don't see the beauty that you produce you are doomed to be a Slave. He will then engage in a new Master-Slave relationship.
When you appreciate the beauty that is you, he will give up the ideology of being Master; you will give up the ideology of being a Slave; something new will come about and that is marriage. Since we are in a world fixated on titles I'll call you'll husband and wife, you may now kiss the bride.
Let's say that you are a "Dependant Women" but you want to control as though you were a Master. If I want you to appreciate me, I am a former Slave because I appreciate the beauty of my garden; you will soon find yourself as the "unappreciative Master" who is doomed to be a Slave. Then you will only realize the beauty of the garden once the machine is dead. Husbands fall victim to this role reversal often. Then the Master will try to gain some sort of profit from the garden, missing the entire point and is still doomed to be a Slave. If all he is concerned about are the things he is doing and doesn't appreciate the garden he will remain a Slave to you.
Please understand that the Master-Slave relationship is a mental one and is evident in every aspect of our everyday life. The idea is that you'll appreciate one another because you can't see from their vantage point. If you only focus on the ripple of the water you will miss the beauty of the ocean. We have grown into this "what have you done for me lately" society. Operating this way we fail to see the big picture. Since we don't know how the actions of yesterday let to today then we must appreciate all of them.