The Dinner Smash Dilemma: Valuing Yourself in Relationships

A couple sharing a romantic dinner

Dinner and More... What Should Happen Next?

Imagine reconnecting with a charming gentleman after years of lost contact. He invites you to a dinner he prepared to prove his culinary skills. As you enjoy the delicious meal, a question arises—what comes after dinner? This story delves into the dynamics of self-worth, relationships, and the price we put on ourselves.

The Exchange of Value

After savoring an exquisite meal, you faced a choice. Do you leave after grading his cooking skills? Do you suggest watching Netflix? Or do you consider going out for dessert? Ultimately, you decided to pay him with more than just attention or physical cash. The value placed on the dinner and effort led to a deeper connection—the intimate exchange of emotions, a dinner smash.

The Unsatisfying Outcome

But here's the twist. Despite the connection formed, you found yourself left alone, unsatisfied. It doesn't matter how incredible the intercourse was or how much the meal cost. What truly matters is how much you value yourself. Did you come at too low a price? Did you sell yourself short?

Increasing Your Self-Esteem

It's time to increase your self-esteem and expand your bucket. Relationships should be based on mutual respect, appreciation, and genuine value, not a mere transactional exchange. The worth you assign yourself sets the standard for how others will perceive and treat you.

Reflecting on Shared Experiences

Have you ever found yourself in a similar scenario? How did it make you feel? Share your experiences and join the discussion on valuing oneself in relationships.

Key Points:

  1. The dinner smash dilemma: Beyond a shared meal.
  2. Understanding the exchange of value in relationships.
  3. Challenging low self-esteem and setting higher standards.
  4. The importance of mutual respect and genuine connection.
  5. Personal reflections on similar experiences and lessons learned.

The Shocking Truth Behind Old Idioms

A confused man scratching his head

The Unsettling Revelation

It hit me like a bolt from the blue on a regular day in the office. Have I been quietly schooled to seize opportunities, to extract gain from every kind act? I'd possibly be flush with cash had I embraced this ideology. But wait, was this notion implanted in my mind through a seemingly harmless idiom?

A Tale of Three Perspectives

Intrigued, I embarked on a mini social experiment. I solicited interpretations of this idiom from three distinct individuals, each hailing from a different walk of life.

Surprise, surprise – they all echoed the same interpretation.

Their immediate reaction was to criticize the proverbial 'cow' for foolishly giving away its milk for free. As if they were implying, "Don't play the fool in love."

My jaw hit the floor.

But then, their insights sank in, and it felt like a revelation. Their views struck a chord with my distaste for the stereotypical portrayal of relationships. It brought to mind the deeply resonant scene in "Boys N' Da Hood" when Doughboy laments, "either they don't know, don't show, or don't care about what be going on in the hood."

"Why Buy the Cow?" Unveiled

So, what's this potentially destructive idiom? "Why buy the cow if the milk is free?"

Hold your breath! This isn't an admonishment for those who embrace their sexuality. It doesn't imply that men will shirk commitment if a woman freely expresses her desires. The essence lies in "buy" and "free" – sketching the blueprint of a fair exchange.

Unmasking The Currency of Love

Let me tickle your curiosity with a few teasing questions.

If you buy her a drink, are you purchasing the milk or the cow? If you splurge on a dinner and a movie, does it mean you're buying both the milk and the cow?

The answer? I'm as clueless as you are.

One thing we can concur on is that in this world of reciprocity, forking out something should warrant a return.

A Deeper Look into "Buy and Free"

This misunderstood idiom has been the wrecking ball for countless potential love stories. Marriage, essentially a lucrative deal, can get dizzyingly confusing without proper guidance.

The unintended message we pass onto our children when we spew this idiom could be dangerously misconstrued. We teach our daughters that if a man pays, he should receive something in return, without specifying what that something should be.

Unearthing The Value of Intangible Cash

Money exists in two forms: mental and physical. Mental cash is intangible, like time, while physical cash is tangible.

The idiom fails to highlight this dichotomy, leading it to be often taken literally. "Buy" and "free" become our guiding principles as these concepts chime with our day-to-day transactions. We pay for what holds value, and what we don't value is often free.

Let's drive this home with an anecdote. Imagine you're fifteen, itching to buy your first car. You have a clear picture of your dream car and when you find it at a dealership, it costs $25,000. The owner gives you two options: take out a loan to buy it immediately or work every weekend for a year at the dealership, washing cars, and it's yours.

If you opt for the loan, you get the car right away, paying the physical cash equivalent of $25,000.

But if you opt to work weekends, washing cars, does this mean the car was free?

This is the perspective shift we need when interpreting relationships and idioms. Physical cash may accelerate the path to the end goal – a lucrative deal, or a marriage. Without the right explanation, the idiom can lead to physical expectations in return for physical payments, often leading to sex. It becomes transactional, akin to buying a pair of sneakers. And what happens when those sneakers get old or worn out?

Key Points:

  1. We need to reevaluate the traditional interpretation of the idiom.
  2. Both physical and mental cash hold value in relationships.
  3. The worth of intangible efforts should not be overlooked.

Ghosting: The Seductive Game of Vanishing Acts and Unfinished Stories

Ghosting: The Seductive Game of Vanishing Acts and Unfinished Stories

Step into the enigmatic world of ghosting, where desire and uncertainty collide in a whirlwind of emotions. Like a captivating episode of the hit show POWER, let's delve into the story of Jamie St. Patrick and Angie Valdez to unravel the hidden truths behind the seductive allure of ghosting.

The Seductive Charade Begins

In the backdrop of Jamie's nightclub, Truth, Angie Valdez stumbles into his life, reigniting the flames of their high school romance. Sparks fly, and emotions run wild as they dive headfirst into a world of passion and intrigue. But little did Jamie know that Angie's entrance would set the stage for a tantalizing game of seduction.

Anecdote: Picture this: You're watching your favorite TV show, and just when you think you've figured out the plot, a character disappears without a trace, leaving you longing for answers. Ghosting works in a similar way, leaving you captivated, wondering what went wrong and craving closure.

Unmasking the Ghosting Phenomenon

Ghosting, my friend, is when you experience the highest highs with someone, only to have them vanish from your life. It's a rollercoaster of emotions, where your heart is filled with joy one moment and shattered the next. Just like a ghost, they leave you haunted by their absence.

Ghosting Effect #1: Mental Turmoil

The aftermath of ghosting can leave you mentally paralyzed. Those negative thoughts you thought were long gone suddenly resurface, mocking your self-worth. Depression creeps in, and self-esteem takes a nosedive. It's as if someone dropped a heavy brick in your bucket of happiness, weighing you down.

Ghosting Effect #2: The Vanishing Act

So, how do people pull off this vanishing act? It's simple—they go radio silent. No calls, texts, emails, or social media interactions. They disappear without a trace, leaving you in a bewildered state, wondering what you did wrong. The silence amplifies the mystery, making you desperate for answers.

Ghosting Effect #3: The Return of the Seductive Ghost

But here's the twist: Ghosting has more to do with the entrance than the exit. It's a strategic move by someone who wants to be in your life but is unsure. By abruptly leaving, they create an unfinished story, leaving the door slightly ajar. And when they reappear out of the blue, doubts dissipate, and the door swings wide open.

Anecdote: I once fell victim to ghosting myself. Just when I thought the book was closed on a relationship, my ghost resurfaced, confessing that it was their own issues that led to their disappearance. And oh, they didn't hesitate to shower me with compliments, claiming I was perfect. I took the bait and swung that door wide open, unknowingly inviting them back into my life.

Unraveling the Ghostly Enigma

In the intricate game of ghosting, closure is a rare commodity. Ghosts slip away without explaining themselves, leaving you grappling with self-doubt. But remember, my friend, it's not about you—it's about their own uncertainties. They want a seamless reentry into your life, and by leaving you in the dark, they hold the power to effortlessly return.

Conclusion: Embracing the Haunting Allure

Ghosting is a seductive game of entrances and exits, leaving you yearning for answers and closure. It's a psychological dance where the ghostly figure aims to keep you intrigued and waiting. But now that you understand the game, empower yourself to seek genuine connections built on honesty and open communication. Don't let the allure of unfinished stories keep you trapped in a cycle of uncertainty.

Key Points:

  1. Ghosting is when someone disappears from your life, leaving you with unanswered questions and a sense of bewilderment.
  2. Ghosting can have negative effects on your mental well-being, leading to depression and low self-esteem.
  3. Ghosts employ the tactic of complete silence to create intrigue and uncertainty.
  4. Ghosting is more about the initial entrance than the final exit, as it sets the stage for a potential return.
  5. Understanding the enigmatic allure of ghosting allows you to break free from its hold and seek genuine, transparent connections.

Love & Money: Fiscal Flirtations

A sexy couple playfully counting money, illustrating the concept of fiscal responsibility in love.

Are you the sassy saver or the big spender in love's marketplace?

Jump into the swirling currents of affection like it's a hot tub party, but beware – just like that embarrassing tattoo from spring break, bad love investments can have lasting consequences. So, let's talk fiscal responsibility... but in the sexiest way possible, of course.

Remember that business you started? The one where you invested just a smidge, like dabbling your toes in the water before diving in? The same rules apply in the pool of passion. Start slow, learn the strokes and then, if it feels right, take the plunge.

How's your love ledger looking?

Are you the romantic who showers your lover with gifts and lavish dates from the get-go? Hold your horses, Casanova! While it might seem like the quickest path to their heart, it can actually lead to a fiscal fiasco in your love life.

I once knew a guy who whisked his date off to a swanky dinner on their first meet. Sure, he impressed her, but when they ended up at a food truck for their next date, she was less than amused.

Remember, if you're starting with a bang, you better be ready to keep up the fireworks. And not just on July 4th.

Pace Yourself: The Love Marathon

Love is not a sprint; it's a marathon. And just like in a marathon, you want to pace yourself. Start too fast, and you'll find yourself out of breath and energy when you hit that inevitable relationship hill.

Key Points:

  1. Love's like a business: start slow, learn the ropes, then go big.
  2. Be the slow-burning flame, not the flash in the pan.
  3. Remember, if you start at the top, you've nowhere to go but down.

Mastering Love: The Ultimate Negotiation Game

Couple negotiating love contract

Ever wondered how negotiations and love are intertwined? Like any negotiation, love involves two or more parties willing to sacrifice something for a valuable gain.

You're no Stranger to Negotiations

Trust me, you're already in the business of sales! Picture this: You effortlessly persuade your friends to pick Ruth Chris for dinner because of their melt-in-your-mouth blue cheese topped steaks. Or you sell them on Red Robin for endless fries. Congrats, love! You've just successfully negotiated and sold steak dinners and bottomless fries without being on the payroll.

Think about it, if we channel this natural salesmanship into our love lives, we might be onto something, right?

So, let's spill some truths and share some laughs as we uncover the four steps to ace the negotiation of love:

  1. Determine Your Love Goals: What's your end game in love? What are you ready to give up in order to win the affection you seek? Understanding your love aspirations and sacrifices upfront gives you a clear vision.
  2. Acknowledge Love Is Sales: That's right! You're selling your best self to attract the perfect mate. And they're doing the same for you. So put on your charm, pull out that infectious smile, and get ready to close the deal!
  3. Decipher Love's Fine Print: To secure your heart's desire, you must grasp every nitty-gritty detail of the love contract. Misunderstandings? Miscommunications? Not on your watch! Ensure there are no misleading implications that could cause heartbreak down the road.
  4. Ensure Love Pays Dividends: Love should grow, appreciate, and pay emotional dividends. Impulse and desperation should never cloud your judgment. Remember, love investments should yield heartwarming returns.

We could all learn a thing or two from Bryson Tiller's "Exchange". He lays out his contract, stating his wants and sacrifices. But, does he fully deliver? That's where understanding the love contract comes into play.

Bottom line? Relationships are investments that should follow these four negotiation rules. So, take charge, decode the love contracts, and let's negotiate love like pros!

Remember, sweetheart, keep these tips handy next time you're negotiating love. Master the art, and you'll be sealing love deals like a pro. After all, love is an exhilarating negotiation game. Let's play it wisely and win big!

Key Points:

  1. Determine your love goals and sacrifices.
  2. Realize that love is, in essence, a form of sales.
  3. Thoroughly understand the love contract.
  4. Make sure your love investment appreciates and pays dividends.

Unlocking Love: An Energy Game Not Everyone Understands

Mastering the Love Game: It's Not All About Getting Laid, It's About Energy!

Buckle up, pals! What I'm about to drop isn't about painting you as a "bad apple" or schooling you on how to score in the bedroom. You've got it wrong if that's what you thought. Nay, nay, nay, and oh, did I say nay?

It's All About the Energy, Baby!

See, making love isn't really about the sexy times; it's all about the energy. Yes, sex has its place (Audi R8, 0-100, 3.5 seconds, remember?), but it's more about the long run. So, for the uninitiated, let me put it straight: men are nozzles, women are buckets. And trust me, it ain't rocket science.

Falling In Love: A Bucket and Nozzle Story

So here's the rundown: women make men feel all the feels, and men, in turn, fill up those buckets. When a man's feeling the love consistently, he's in the 'momentum of love', or as the romantics call it, "in love." Similarly, when her bucket is consistently filled with love, she's in the momentum of love too.

Imagine a couple. Every day, she makes him feel loved, and in response, he fills her bucket with tokens of love. Could be sweet texts, thoughtful gifts, or his time - because let's face it, guys want to be where they feel the love. The more she makes him feel loved, the more he fills her bucket. If this goes on, the love energy reaches its zenith, and then - BAM! - sexual energy follows, and voila, we've got a thriving relationship on our hands!

The Art of Balancing Energy in Love

But life isn't always rainbows and butterflies. What if negativity fills her bucket? Or he feels down? In such situations, you play the game of "opposites attract," but not in the way you might think. When one's down and the other's up, both must strive to find a middle ground.

Imagine a scenario where every phone call or meeting is a bombardment of negativity. Your job is to counter that negative onslaught with a blast of love. Ditto for him. If he's just venting about a lousy day at work, make him feel loved. The negativity diminishes as love takes over.

And guess what? Whoever starts the negativity loses. You both have to gulp down your negative vibes and fill up each other's buckets with love. You'll find that as love replaces negativity, your bucket gets filled with more love, making you forget the bad vibes - the same goes for him.

Keeping the Momentum of Love Alive

Remember this mantra, and you'll always find yourself in the momentum of love. And if you're single, keep your potential partner in the momentum of love. You'll be amazed at how quickly it morphs into a relationship.

And hey, if you need help with any relationship issues, don't hesitate to reach out. Leave a comment, drop me an email, or simply stay tuned for more nuggets of wisdom.

And always remember, put your happiness first, because through your happiness, others can envision their own. That's the essence of love - and let me tell you, it's fuching fantastic!

Key Points:

  1. Making Love is About Energy: It's not just about getting laid; it's about building and sharing energy. Men, being the nozzles, and women, the buckets, this energy flow shapes the momentum of love.
  2. Falling in Love is a Continuous Process: When women make men feel loved consistently, and men keep filling her bucket with love, both find themselves in the momentum of love, building a thriving relationship.
  3. Negativity can be Countered with Love: Life has its fair share of ups and downs, which can fill our buckets with negativity. However, by countering the negative with love, you can steer the relationship towards positivity again.
  4. Balancing Love Energy is Essential: It's crucial to balance the love energy, especially when one partner is negative and the other is positive. Both partners need to strive to find a middle ground by promoting love.
  5. Keep the Momentum of Love Alive: Keeping this love energy flowing continuously can ensure a lasting relationship. Even if you're single, keeping a potential partner in the momentum of love can quickly bloom into a beautiful relationship.

Decoding the "Bad Bitch" Phenomenon

Woman with thoughtful expression reflecting on societal labels and relationship choices.

A Rise of a New Class of Women

Ladies and gentlemen let's discuss a new kind of Sorority that's been making waves lately. "Bad Bitch" has emerged as a class, a self-identifier for women who own their strengths, their beauty, their "confidence", their feminine, and their so-called sexual thirsts.

The Gender Tug-of-War

Here's where things get interesting. Men have always been regarded as the "bad boys, or dogs" and now women feel the need to one-up them by self-identifying as "bad bitches". More baffling is that men are seemingly attracted to these bad bitches. We need to start disregarding what the media pushes and begin making conscious decisions about what we truly want.

The Packaging Dilemma

Still puzzled? Let me elaborate. What do you prioritize when choosing a mate? From my observations, a majority of women prefer the "bad boy", determined mainly by his appearance - his "packaging". Similarly, most men are drawn to a pretty face and attractive body. But is this superficial criteria what we genuinely seek in a partner?

The Ideal Mate

Contrary to popular belief, I propose that what we genuinely desire isn't the "perfect face and body", but rather someone we can engage in intellectual and sexual discourse with - someone with the perfect mind.

The Aftermath of Wrong Choices

When we repeatedly fail at choosing the right person, we tend to give up entirely. For women, this often leaves you open to be chosen instead, and for men, desperation might lead to being more open to all women, not just the "bad bitches".

Debunking the "Bad Bitch" Stereotype

The "bad bitch" label carries a sexually charged notion, and the thought of it is animalistic, considering "bitch" refers to a female dog. But are we not above these base instincts? We wouldn't tolerate a misbehaving dog in our homes, so why would we choose partners based on these primal urges?

Time, the Ultimate Truth-Teller

Time is the only real measure of whether someone is truly a "bad bitch" or a "bad boy". With the right energy, transformation is possible. She might not be the right fit for one man but perfect for you, provided you channel the right energy.

Celebrity Transformations - A Case in Point

Many examples from the entertainment industry support this theory. Think about the men who passed on Jennifer Hudson, Mo'Nique, Jill Scott, or Queen Latifah. Likewise, women who rejected Anthony Anderson, Randy Jackson, Seth Rogan, or Reuben Studdard must have regrets.


The essence of my argument is simple: it takes time to find the right mind, but when you do, everything else will fall into place. "Bad dogs" get disciplined and left outside. So, ignore societal pressures and pursue what your heart genuinely desires.

Key Points:

  1. Emergence of "Bad Bitch" as a self-identifier for women.
  2. The packaging dilemma: the focus on physical attributes over mental attributes in choosing a mate.
  3. The aftermath of wrong choices and the role of time in determining the "rightness" of a mate.
  4. Transformation is possible with the right energy and mindset.
  5. Encouraging individuals to ignore societal pressures and pursue what their heart genuinely desires.

You've Charmed Your Way to Success... What's Next?

Unleashing the Genuine Love Game

Been parroting "fake it till you make it"? Time to drop that chant and introduce a new catchphrase: "Genuine Love Game". I touched upon the societal construct of boys playing with Barbie Dolls, Baby Dolls, and just being boys. That's where we learn to flex our muscles - strategy, dominance, competitiveness, camaraderie. But for those men who didn't participate in this instinctive training, they are on a different quest - they seek advice.

Playing Hitch - the Genuine Love Game Approach

If you're in the role of a Hitch remake, strategically aiming to win a particular lady's heart, then cheers to you! The fact that you're seeking advice on your genuine love game tells me you're aware of your boundaries, your identity, and your audacity to chase what you desire.

The Misguided Love Gladiators

For the others, who couldn't score in high school, college, or even life, anger becomes your companion. Recall our discussion on suppression theory - it's a revelation of what's happening within you. You've imprisoned those desires, turning from a victim to a Sensei. But if you're exploiting your power against the untrained, aren't you the new oppressor?

Your scoop and score record may have skyrocketed post-"training", but is that the essence of your genuine love game? Or are you just showcasing your might against the oblivious? Remember, your target isn't your past rejections, but an unsuspecting person who doesn't know your grip on her heart.

Genuine Love Game Runs on Premium Energy

Any man overflowing with the premium energy of love doesn't say, "She's drop-dead gorgeous, I want her for tonight". Your suppressed sexual energy is like a shaken soda can - ready to burst. It overpowers your normal state, pushing you into a tiresome loop. You charm her, unravel her emotions, while concealing yours. You reflect a machismo facade that you think women find irresistible. But it's a ticking time bomb because you can't keep pretending. You faked it till you made it, but what about your genuine love game?

Navigating the Genuine Love Game

If you need a compass in the labyrinth of love, I'm here. Leave a comment, tune in, or continue reading. And don't forget, be unapologetically selfish - because through your joy, others find their reflection.

Key Points

  1. Childhood playtime impacts the adult genuine love game.
  2. Seeking advice is strength, not weakness.
  3. The repercussions of suppressed desires.
  4. The pitfalls of a machismo facade in love.
  5. How to improve your genuine love game.

The Duck Test in Love: A Reality Check for Your Dating Life

A pair of ducks symbolizing a romantic couple.

Cracking the Duck Test in Love: A Guide for Better Relationships

Ever heard of the duck test? "If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and waddles like a duck, it must be a duck." Sound familiar? This instant 'logic' isn't just for bird identification - it plays a huge role in your romantic choices too. Baffled? It's high time we talk about 'heuristics', the mind's shortcut to solving complex problems.

Ladies, and the Duck Test in Love

You spot a dapper man, and your mind quickly tags him as clean, disease-free - looks like a duck, right? Maybe you see a man in a crisp suit, and you label him as someone important - talks like a duck, perhaps? The trickiest heuristic of all - men think with their "other head". That, my dear ladies, is oversimplifying a hugely complex process.

Gents, Duck Test isn't just for Ladies

Us gents also fall prey to the duck test in love. We lean on inductive reasoning – making decisions based on past experiences. Looks like a duck, talks like a duck, walks like a duck - has to be a duck. This evolutionary hangover influences not just our diet or workouts, but our approach to dating too.

The Battle-Ready Love Game

Let's be honest, we, men, care about self-preservation. Our survival ensures the tribe's survival. Every 'conquest' adds to our strategy, evolving it into a complex game. But beware, at some point, the lines blur between genuine feelings and the thrill of the chase.

Time - Your Best Ally in Love

Time is a magical salve. It provides a safe haven, a space to untangle energies. Love energy needs to precede sexual energy for a lasting relationship. Our 'fight or flight' response can often be mistaken for the "wrong head" thinking, but that subsides once we feel safe. Trust me, it's easier than it sounds.

Invest Time, Reap Love

Avoiding the pitfalls of the duck test in love calls for investing time in each other. The only thing that appreciates with time is real estate. Make sure your investment is in the right plot.

Trust me, this post has the potential to reshape your romantic world.

Need relationship guidance? I'm here for you. Comment, read on, or stay tuned.

And remember, it's okay to be selfish - your happiness can be the mirror others need to see their own.

"If you can't see your success, change your vantage pointe."

Key Points

  1. How the "Duck Test in Love" affects our romantic choices.
  2. Understanding heuristic mapping and inductive reasoning in relationships.
  3. The critical role of time in fostering genuine relationships.

Cracking the Friend Zone: Unleash Your Confidence!

Couple breaking free from the friend zone, embracing new possibilities.

The Friend Zone Dilemma: Embrace Confidence and Take Charge

Okay, listen up! It's time to face the hard truth I told you years ago: men and women can't just be friends, at least not until after you're married. Wondering why you ended up in the friend zone? Well, I'll be blunt—it's because of you. Yep, I said it. YOU are the freaking problem. But fear not, my friend, because I'm here to guide you out of that abyss. Get ready for a reality check that will make you swear off the friend zone forever. Let's dive in!

The Attraction Factor: It's More Than Just Friendship

Let's set the record straight. You didn't just walk up to each other and say, "Hey, let's be friends." There was something that initially sparked your interest. You could argue it was school or work that brought you together, but that's a low self-esteem way of thinking, and it's time to toss that idea out the window. Release the contract you have with that notion. Sure, you may have crossed paths in class or at work, but the fact that you're hanging out beyond those obligations should clue you in, genius.

Boost Your Confidence: From Faking It to Making It

Now, let's talk about confidence. You had the confidence to engage in those after-hours activities. No, not necessarily sex (keep up, will you?). I've got a mantra for you: "You faked it until you made it, now what?" You faked having SWAG, and guess what? Unless you're truly oblivious, you've got it! The time has come to unleash your inner charisma and start acting on it. And now, let's get to the juicy stuff.

Understanding the Energy Game: Winning Hearts and Minds

Energy, my friend, is the secret ingredient. If you're a guy trying to win over that lucky lady who currently sees you as just a friend, let me set things straight—she's not your friend, bro. She's the object of your affection, the apple of your eye. So, what are you doing wrong? You're leaving her hanging. Picture this: your car and its gas tank. Your car represents her, and you fill her up with premium love energy. You take her on romantic outings and do everything that screams "romance." But here's the catch—it's not truly romantic unless there's genuine passion, genius. To fill her tank to the brim, you need to provide that super high-octane, sexual energy. If you fail to give her that, you make it easy for any random person off the street to swoop in and steal her heart by delivering that missing piece. You've done all the groundwork for me—the more confident gentleman. I just need to provide that sexual energy, and voilà, you're officially on the back burner, while I decide your fate. But here's the kicker—you're more confident than you realize.

No More Settling: Embrace Your Desires and Speak Up

Ah, the classic "I don't want to ruin the friendship" dilemma. Is something better than nothing? Hell no! Something is only better than nothing if that's all you truly want. But if you crave more, you've got to go out and get it. Here's a tip: stop being freaking timid and tell her how you feel. Timidity only arises when confidence is lacking. Take her saying she wants to be friends in one of two ways: 1. She's just as scared as you are and is letting you off the hook with the "friends" label. 2. You're not man enough in her eyes—at least not yet. You need to create that impulse buy, like those limited-time offers you see in commercials. Suppose she brings up being friends again; you cut ties without further explanation. She'll be left wondering what happened, and you simply tell her that you wanted more. No need to elaborate. Walk away with that level of confidence, and trust me, she'll feel a surge of attraction. Boom! She better make a decision, and fast. With your newfound confidence, girls like her will be magnetized to you from all directions.

Embrace Your Confidence and Let Him Chase

Ladies, here's the deal. You just need to embrace your confidence and let him come to you. But if you want to release some of that tension, put him in situations that force him to make a decision. Picture this: you're face-to-face for whatever reason, and you grab him, waiting for that long-awaited kiss. If he doesn't seize the moment, he lacks the confidence to be with you. And guess what? He'll never be able to fill your bucket, so it's on to the next one. Women have it easy in this game—all you need is confidence. We'll take care of the rest. And if we're not stepping up, then it's time to reevaluate what you're attracting. It all starts with your thoughts. Make a list of all the things you want in a man, and I mean every single thing. If he can't check off every item, well, you know what's going to happen. Let your confidence guide your choices, and watch as you attract the partner you truly desire.

The Moral of the Story: Confidence is Everything

Here's the bottom line: confidence is key. There's no such thing as opposite-sex besties—at least not in the way you think. Someone is not keeping it real. But fear not, I'm here for you. Leave a comment below to share your thoughts. Oh, and if you want a shortcut to understanding buckets and nozzles (you'll get it, trust me), check out this, that, and the other thing. Suppressing your feelings will only lead to explosions at the wrong time, expressing the wrong ideas, and being misunderstood.

If you need help with relationships, I'm here to assist. Leave a comment, keep reading, and stay tuned.

And always remember, be freaking selfish—through your happiness, others can find inspiration within themselves.

Key Points:

  1. Recognize that attraction goes beyond just friendship.
  2. Build and unleash your confidence to make a move.
  3. Understand the role of energy in creating a romantic connection.
  4. Communicate your true feelings and desires without hesitation.
  5. Embrace your confidence and let it magnetize potential partners.
  6. For women, have confidence and create situations that prompt action.
  7. Assess your attraction based on your desired qualities in a partner.
  8. Confidence is the key to unlocking romantic possibilities.
  9. There's no such thing as true opposite-sex besties.
  10. Let your happiness inspire others to find their own self-confidence.

Navigating Hidden Rules in Relationships: A Man’s Perspective

A man and woman communicating openly about their relationship rules.

The Myth of Lying: Perception and Miscommunication in Relationships

"Women are liars", or so many men perceive it. Now, don't be quick to jump into conclusions - let's clarify what this means. The claim isn't about women being intentionally deceitful, but more about the hidden rules that unfold as a relationship progresses.

The Illusion of No Rules: The Early Stages of Dating

In the dating phase, the only apparent rule seems to be spending time together. Time filled with laughter, discussions, activities, and the electric spark of budding affection. Late-night visits, dinner and movie dates, or cozy movie nights at home - they all culminate in an exchange of emotions. As the bond deepens, the lust-filled days start evolving into the comforting embrace of love.

The Emergence of Hidden Rules: The Progression into a Relationship

But, what if I told you there were rules all along, rules you didn't realize existed until they were broken? These unspoken expectations subtly govern the course of the relationship. Yet, they are often overlooked in the early phases when labels are hazy, and things are casual.

Upon becoming 'official', new rules are introduced, such as increased quality time, more public outings, and interactions with each other's families. It seems like a natural progression of the relationship, doesn't it? Still, even in this phase, you feel you maintain a sense of personal freedom - hanging out with friends, and occasionally going out together after work. But as the relationship progresses, even more, expectations start to emerge.

Unleashing the Kraken: The Shift after Marriage

When you think of the shift in a woman's behavior after getting engaged, you might attribute it to wedding planning stress. However, it's more than that. The 'Bridezilla' phase often uncovers long-held expectations that have been subtly imprinted since childhood. After the wedding, the so-called 'honeymoon phase' ends and the reality of living together brings forth more rules that have been visualized and practiced for years.

Unmasking the Fear of Commitment: The Hidden Factor

This progression, which often feels like an unraveling of hidden rules, is why many men fear commitment. However, once a man falls in love, he is willing to endure the challenges because the emotional bond holds him. If a man refrains from committing, it might be because he hasn't allowed himself to fall in love, to let you 'load the gun', so to speak.

Navigating the Waters of Unspoken Rules: The Solution

Here's a solution to circumvent this: Be upfront with your rules. If your partner infringes upon them, don't suppress your reaction; communicate your feelings. If you share your expectations, and your partner chooses to stay, then the responsibility lies with them. On the other hand, if you don't disclose your rules, and they feel blindsided later on, it's you who is at fault.

Don't rely on the assumption of 'common sense' because if it were common, it should have been apparent during the dating phase. Take solace in knowing that the right partner for you will respect and meet your expectations from the start, not because they feel 'tamed', but because they genuinely align with your needs.

Remember, in the end, all we want is to find happiness and fulfillment.

"If you can’t see your success, change your vantage pointe."

Key Points

  1. Relationships often entail unspoken rules that come to light as the bond progresses.
  2. The perception of deceit in relationships often stems from undisclosed expectations or rules.
  3. Open and honest communication about expectations and boundaries can help build stronger, more successful relationships.


Selling Love: Unleashing Your Inner Relationship Salesman

A confident man and woman engaging in a negotiation, symbolizing the salesmanship in dating.

The Intriguing Intersection of Love and Sales: Meeting at the Dealership

Let's take a spin into the world of car sales – an unexpected yet potent metaphor for the dating game. You pull up to the dealership, your eyes scanning the shiny parade of potential new rides. Here, the salesman doesn't need to sell you a car. You're already in the market. His task? Simply to match your desires with an option at a price the dealership approves. Now, let's cruise this concept into the dating realm...

Striking the Perfect Deal: Selling Attention for Affection

If someone finds your exterior appealing, they're likely to approach you. It's the law of attraction. Now, all you need to do is to strike a balance between what they want and what you can offer. Take, for instance, the age-old trade-off in dating: a man gives a woman attention; in return, she offers intimacy. But there's a catch – more often than not, the exchange ends there. It's a hasty transaction, skipping the potential for depth.

But consider this: what if he approached her offering time and attention? This time, she's winning. There had to be a reason he approached in the first place. Through a series of chats, he reveals his true desire: a relationship. As this dance continues, his emotional investment grows. When he's truly hooked, that's when she can sell him a relationship on her terms. Sound familiar? It mirrors the protracted process of buying a car.

Unmasking the Alpha Male: The Power of Confidence and Attention to Detail

Society often equates physical fitness with 'Alpha' status. But what if one doesn't fit the societal mould of a chiseled Greek god? Enter the world of the charismatic, confident, 'business developer' types. These are the ones who, despite not being gym buffs, exude confidence and an exceptional eye for detail. They've nailed the packaging, understand the walk, and have mastered the talk.

This breed of 'business developers' have a unique challenge. They must seek out clients (potential partners) and prove their worth. In social situations, they face numerous tests to their 'Alpha' status. And believe me, being an Alpha is all about readiness and resilience, something I'll delve deeper into in my upcoming GentleMANliness series.

The Intriguing Dance of Sales and Seduction: Why Business Developers Shine

The 'business developer' approach to dating might seem more demanding than the casual 'car salesman' method. However, business developers suggest better ways to invest your 'mental cash', such as time, on things that appreciate over time, rather than instant gratification that often depreciates.

Let's be clear, this post isn't to disregard the fit and fabulous. Instead, it's a rallying cry for those who may not fit the conventional attractiveness mould to understand their unique value in the relationship market. It's time to ponder: Who truly reaps more rewards, whether in mental or physical 'cash'?

Stay tuned, as we dive deeper into the nuances of GentleMANliness.

As always, remember to be unabashedly selfish and radiate your happiness. It's infectious. After all, "If you can't see your success, change your vantage point."

Key Points

  1. The dating game is comparable to a sales scenario, with each party offering something the other wants.
  2. Confidence, detail-oriented, and charisma are attractive attributes that can compete with physical fitness.
  3. Mental 'cash' like time, attention, and emotional investment often yield greater returns in relationships.

Unmasking Love: How to Reignite Your Authenticity in Relationships

A couple dancing the Tango, symbolizing the dance of authenticity in relationships.

The Alluring Dance of Love: The True Lover's Tango

Welcome to the world of love, a mysterious place where we often trade authenticity for approval. It's the arena where our dashing representative – that slick, suave version of ourselves – steps forward, ready to engage in a passionate tango. This deceptive dance is what I call the Seductive Chameleon Effect.

When we start dating, we're authentic – we're real. Then, as we begin to fall for someone, we instinctively start mirroring them. It's the highest form of flattery, or so we've been led to believe. Consider the Casanova who turns into a gentle romantic because he's found 'The One'. Love is his kryptonite, his transformation catalyst. He feels the need to convince his lady that his philandering days are behind him. Why? Because he realizes the damage he's done, the hearts he's toyed with – but trust me, darling, I'm digressing.

Here's what happens next. You begin to mold your world to her liking, even sacrificing your pleasures for hers. Picture this: You're a culinary maestro who loves whipping up hearty Spaghetti Alfredo, eating it right out of the bowl. But when she's around, you become a gourmet chef, serving the same dish in exquisite Nora Fleming dishes. That's the Seductive Chameleon Effect in action.

Unveiling Your True Colors: The Reality Behind the Masquerade

This chameleon dance continues until you're comfortable enough in the relationship to be yourself again. Suddenly, she's exposed to the real you – the guy who enjoys spaghetti on the couch while binging College Football all Saturday in his favorite (slightly worn-out) boxer briefs. This is where the confusion sets in; she never knew this was the real you.

In love, our auto-pilot often takes the wheel, leading us to make changes we aren't conscious of. Like me, you might find yourself trying to persuade your partner that you've left behind some old habits or principles. Here's the catch: love's compelling tug-of-war keeps you grounded, despite your instincts urging you to flee. And the most exciting part? She's performing the same dance too!

Dancing to Your Own Rhythm: Overcoming the Seductive Chameleon Effect

The antidote to the Seductive Chameleon Effect? Simple. Embrace your selfishness. Pursue your passions. Love in your unique way. Be present, not a puppet controlled by auto-pilot. We're all shape-shifters, constantly evolving with every tick of the clock.

Adopt the "Love Me or Leave Me" philosophy – a straightforward, yet powerful mantra that encourages acceptance of yourself and your partner, just as you both are. Don't settle for less, whether it's a mediocre pair of shoes or a lackluster Spaghetti Alfredo presentation. But keep in mind, the 80/20 rule before you make a run for the exit.

To truly ignite our relationships, we must bypass the Seductive Chameleon Effect and prioritize our happiness. Anything less leads to an inevitable downward spiral.

So, dare to be selfish and remember, your happiness is your greatest seduction. As always, "If you can't see your success, change your vantage point.”

Key Points

  1. The Seductive Chameleon Effect refers to how we change ourselves to please our partners in the early stages of a relationship.
  2. To stay authentic in love, adopt the "Love Me or Leave Me" philosophy.
  3. Prioritizing personal happiness can help maintain genuine relationships.

Mastering the Art of Old School Love: Your Secret to Lasting Happiness

Cassette tapes with love songs written on it to symbolize old school love

A Lovers' Quest: Searching for Enough

Listen closely, because I know why you're here, yearning for answers. You've been dancing around this question: why aren't you good enough? You're craving more, wanting to uncover the secret to becoming enough, to becoming irresistible. You're eager to satisfy his needs, yet you're left thirsty for your own desires. But darling, what do both of you truly crave?

The answer? "Old School Love". And here’s how to capture it.

A Golden Flashback: The Roots of Love

Cast your mind back to childhood – we're frolicking on the playground, and I'm engrossed in a game of football or maybe basketball with the boys. You're there, ostensibly with your friends, but your gaze is on me. Unknown to you, my eyes are stealing glances back.

You’re amidst the radiant sun, a field dotted with dandelions ready to be blown into the wind, and honeysuckle's sweet scent wafts on the breeze. You scoff at us boys sucking the nectar from the honeysuckle, but when I coax you into trying it, you discover its hidden sweetness. That's the birth of trust. I dash off to rejoin the game, leaving you behind with a sweet memory. That’s “Old School Love”, the flavor of trust, of sweet moments and the creation of a bond that time cannot erase.

The Key to His Heart: Bring on the Fun!

Gentlemen, we are eternally children at heart, craving fun and camaraderie. When we meet our "Great White Buffalo", our match in wit and joy, we can't help but commit. A perfect balance forms when you effortlessly blend into our social circle, earning their respect, their laughter, and their admiration. Suddenly, his friends become yours, and vice versa.

Become the source of positivity, and people will flock to your energy. It’s simple, really: men seek fun. And when you match his friends in joy and carefreeness, he’ll have no option but to commit.

The Secret to Lasting Love: Involve Yourself

Stay atop the fun hierarchy by involving yourself in his world. Pretend, if you must. Over time, you'll come to enjoy his passions, further strengthening your bond. Remember, we men are creatures of emotion. These feelings can shift, but when you integrate into our interests, you ensure your position in our lives. Look at the bigger picture of our actions and understand our peculiar habits. We're like electrons in a chaotic dance - decipher our patterns, and you'll find meaning.

The Power of Re-creation: Old School Love

Recreate that old school love every day. You see, darling, we may not vocalize our commitment, but our actions speak volumes. You need to listen, to understand our non-verbal cues.

Mirror us, as we mirror you. When you inject fun into our lives, we reciprocate by stepping up. Together, let's keep the flame of old school love burning.

Old School Love: The Lyrics that Capture it All

Lupe Fiasco said it best:

"Give me that old school love right now I'm leaving it all up to you darling, giving you everything you want And give me that old school love right now You know when I hold you, you won't be alone..."

Key Points

  1. Seek out the foundations of “Old School Love”.
  2. Understand the importance of fun in your relationship.
  3. Involve yourself in his interests.
  4. Listen to non-verbal cues.
  5. Rekindle the flame of old school love every day.

Date Night Hustle: Are You Paying More Than You Bargained For?

Woman and man at a romantic dinner, illustrating an energy exchange

Cheeky Confessions from a Relationship Maestro

What’s the price tag of your date night? Sure, you might think it's all about the swanky restaurant, the top-shelf wine, or the exclusive VIP nightclub passes. But honey, it’s about much more! Your time, your attention, and, oh, let's not forget, the secret currency of all relationships – energy.

The Mystery of the 80/20 Dating Rule

Alright, buckle up because we're diving into the wild, wacky world of dating dynamics. This is a tale of two energies – regular and sexual. The 80/20 rule, that cheeky little scamp, says you get 80% of your kicks from 20% of your relationships. Sounds confusing? Welcome to my world!

Imagine you’re dating an alpha dog, the star football player or the irresistible heartthrob. You're his 80%. He wines and dines you, you receive his energy, and voila – you're on cloud nine! You feel alive, desirable, and oh-so-special.

Now, let me spill a secret here. You’re at dinner, indulging in the best culinary delights your beau can buy. But every cent he spends isn’t just for the steak or the wine. It's to keep you away from your 20%, your comfortable friend zone pal, your faithful BFF. Suddenly, you're not just dining; you’re part of an energy exchange!

Love, Sex and The Alpha Male

You’re probably asking, "What's wrong with that?" Nothing! Except you’re trading your comfort for a high, a rush that comes with alpha energy. But remember, love comes before sex in the natural energy order. Mix up the sequence, and you’re in for a world of confusion.

Oh, how I remember an old flame of mine, a stunning redhead named Daisy. She was my 80%, and she reveled in the alpha energy I provided. Until one day, she asked, "Is this all there is?" That, my dear friends, was the day Daisy decided she was worth more than fancy dinners and high-octane nights. She sought love, not just sexual energy.

Trading Your Energy: Finding The Balance

So, here’s the deal, ladies. If you’re someone’s 80%, charge more for your time. Get out of your comfort zone and start hinting that you’re ready for more. Flirt, push boundaries, steer the energy in your direction. You've got power! Use it to build the relationship you desire.

As for the guys, don’t just bank on sexual energy to keep her interested. Show her love. It's okay to be the "bestie," the one who gets her, the one she can count on. Remember, in love and in war, timing is everything.

Key Points:

  1. Understand the dynamics of the 80/20 dating rule.
  2. Recognize the exchange of energies in your relationship.
  3. Learn to value your time and energy in a relationship.

Be unapologetically selfish. Because when you find happiness, you're giving others a chance to witness it too.

Remember, "If you can’t see your success, change your vantage point.”