Appreciation hmmm. Should you be appreciated? Should you feel appreciated? Do you even understand appreciation?
Relationships, just like everything else, have a value system.
We teach this value system without understanding how the system works. Allow me to explain
If you do a quick search on the World Wide Web, meaning Google it, the word appreciation Google will define appreciation by giving the following definition “the recognition and enjoyment of the good qualities of someone or something.”
Webster (online) offers a couple of definitions:
A feeling or expression of admiration, approval, or gratitude
Increase in value.
Google’s definition is what the world has accepted without any details. Webster’s first explanation is just like Google, no details, but the second is where the big clue lives.
“Increase in Value”
In another post about the idiom, why buy the cow if the milk is free? I talked about the way you think or were taught to think. What I said was “if it has a value you buy it and if it has no value it’s free. If you restate it properly the idiom would be “don’t invest in anything that doesn’t produce a benefit.”
Let’s see how this works.
When you know your value then and only then can you start to appreciate. There is intrinsic value and extrinsic value. You weren’t taught the understanding of intrinsic value so you have no clue how that works, therefore, you look extrinsically for your value.
First, this is a flawed way of viewing things because there is not one person in the world that can see the world from your vantage pointe. The only person that can see from your vantage point is God.
What is an intrinsic and extrinsic value?
Intrinsic value in this context is another word for self-worth. It’s how you think of yourself. It all boils down to confidence. Your level of confidence determines your worth in any situation.
An extrinsic value in this context is the value that the world has placed on you.
You are taught that intrinsic value will never match extrinsic value so you use extrinsic value to base your evaluation. Think of a penny. This penny can be boiled down to form copper and now to form zinc and copper. The way you were taught was that the copper from the penny is worth less than the one cent the penny is valued at or you would just melt the penny. If you translate that to you, then that would mean that you’re worth less than the value the world puts on you for being you.
What do you do? You base your confidence on how you’re treated in the world, not your confidence. If the world thinks you’re worthless you allow your confidence to reflect the world’s view of you.
In this vein of thought, you can never appreciate because the value of you is always changing based on the pictures you’re seeing. This is the real reason why you have idols. You see them and based on the way the world treats them you believe you will be treated if you can reach their pedestal. This also explains stereotypes because the pictures you see tell you who you are loud and clear. Also, you hear it over and over again so you believe you see confirmation.
The opening questions lead to totally different views on appreciation and ultimately why you’re not appreciated. It’s not until you start to value you then you can appreciate. Everyone has a baseline and anything above that baseline is appreciation.
Should you be appreciated? Yes, if you have provided value to someone or the world above the baseline. Think of it this way, while you’re dating you hang out spending time together helping build the confidence of the other person. The baseline is hanging out but because they are gaining confidence that you help to instill then to them you’re gaining value – being appreciated.
Should you feel appreciated? Yes, if you understand that you’re more confident today than you were yesterday. Think of it this way, while you’re dating you hang out spending time together. Because time is mental cash that when spent you can’t get back only invested you’re gaining confidence – felling appreciated.
Do you understand appreciation? Abso-freakin-lutely!