Thriving or Surviving? Your Love Story in the Concrete Jungle of Relationships

A rose blooming through a crack in concrete

Let's Stir the Pot with Social Media

Picture this - a casual Instagram scroll. You tap into that handy search bar and type in #RelationshipGoals. Boom! The first thing to hit your retina? The who's who of relationship gurus.

So, you, my friend, do what any curious soul would do. You tap on the first account. And what's their most recent gem of wisdom? Drumroll, please... "Don't beg for love or friendship. If the effort isn't mutual, pack your bags and hit the road, Jack (or Jill)."

Now, doesn't that just blow your socks off with its profound insight? I'm not throwing shade at the account, but I mean, really? Isn't it about time we start offering cures instead of band-aids?

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not asking you to point fingers. It's more of a rhetorical musing. And we both know the answer: zip, zero, zilch.

A Rose By Any Other Struggle...

Okay, indulge me for a second. Suppose you see a rose sprouting right out of a solid concrete slab. Now, would you say that rose had to hustle more than a garden-grown rose?

Honestly, I wouldn't know. Last time I checked, I wasn't a rose. But it's easy to judge the rough 'n' tough environment and assume life's been hard for our concrete rose. I mean, it’s got to be a rough ride for a delicate bloom to break through solid concrete, right? Maybe. Maybe not.

This concrete rose, blooming against all odds, becomes the center of attention. Folks stepping over and around it to admire its resilient beauty. When night falls, it’s a sight to behold. Bathed in the soft glow of street lights reflecting off the concrete, it's a symbol of how rough beginnings can't dim true inner radiance.

But hang on, have we forgotten our garden rose? Amidst beetles, mites, caterpillars, and grasshoppers not to mention those predators who snack on them! Oh, and don’t forget the friendly neighborhood insecticide showers. Isn't this rose's journey equally tumultuous?

So, I pose the question again: who's had to work harder to grow?

Decoding Your #RelationshipGoals

This is why I'm a bit skeptical of these typical social media relationship nuggets. To really level up your love game, you've got to do some serious self-discovery. Why did you judge the situation in the first place? The moment you comprehend your own nature, only then can you start evaluating the efforts put into your relationship. It'll all boil down to what you need to flourish.

So, my friend, which rose are you? Are you breaking through concrete slabs or gracefully dancing around garden bugs?

Key Points

  1. Social media relationship advice often lacks depth and practical applicability.
  2. Judging effort in relationships is subjective and based on personal experience.
  3. Personal self-discovery is crucial to understanding and meeting your relationship needs.

Remember, my friend, love isn't about treatment, it's about cure. The journey starts with you! "If you can't see your success, change your vantage pointe."

Love and the Single Life: How to Win the Battle of Self-Esteem

A single woman confidently standing alone, surrounded by light with a soccer ball

The Lone Wonder

Imagine this. You're stunning. You've got the job, the physique, and the charm. Whenever you make an entrance, you're like a dazzling light in a room full of shadows. So why the hell are you single (insert perplexed emoji)?

Well, allow me to spill the secret. It's the discord between who you are and your self-esteem. You've got this little thing called a mis-match.

Because of this mis-match, you're stuck in a maze of self-confusion. You're wearing a mask, fibbing to yourself about your identity. And honey, if you're lying to yourself, you're inevitably lying to him too.

The Self-Esteem Dichotomy

Sure, you're desired. You're aware that you're a knockout, brainy and seductive. But the moment you step outside, all these certainties fade.

To paint a picture, let's say you're looking for fellow basketball enthusiasts. But instead of hitting the courts, you march straight into a soccer field. Crazy, right? But guess what? You're doing exactly that.

Most of us spend our time where we feel at home. There's a reason you're cozy in that spot. The desire to fit into a group drives you. It's intertwined with your self-esteem and confidence.

Dr. Strange and the Elitist Enigma

Now, let's spin this differently. Picture yourself as a hotshot doctor, a maestro in your field like Dr. Strange. Your Lamborghini's sleek, your home's nestled in a secluded forest sprawl. Post-work, where would you hang out? A swanky, elite lounge, right? Not downing cheap beers in a college town.

You won't be there because you don't vibe with the common folk. You don't belong.

Now, I hear your thoughts whirring. Let's clear the fog.

The Soccer Field vs. The Basketball Court Dilemma

If you're hunting for basketball players in a soccer field, you might just be the worst soccer player out there. And that's okay. You're interested in basketball, not soccer. But here's the catch. The soccer enthusiasts might assume you're ace at basketball, making you the best basketball player in a soccer field.

Comfortable yet?

But when it's time for some basketball action, they're all about soccer. So, you either join the soccer team or play solo until you find a basketball crew. But if you find that crew, you'll have to confront your shortcomings and improve to stay in the game.

The Solution: Be Your Own Best Friend

Making sense of this whirlwind can be tricky. But let's untangle the mess. There's a little voice inside your head, a voice only you can hear. When you learn to hang with this voice, you'll find your groove.

Replace the basketball court with anything you love to do. The quest for love becomes simpler when you know where to look. Enjoy a drink or two at the bar, an art exhibition, or a movie with that voice. That's how you own yourself.

Be the Dr. Strange of your life. Hang where the elite of the elite - people like you - chill. You're likely to meet your match there. Find your happy place and spend your time there. If it's a movie theater, go watch a movie. If it's an art museum, head there.

Remember, the universe conspires to give you what you love.

Key Points

  1. A mis-match between self-perception and self-esteem often contributes to being single.
  2. Understanding and embracing your self-worth can help align your relationship expectations.
  3. Spending time doing what you love and enjoying your own company can help attract the right kind of relationship.

Elevating Love: Understanding Growth in Relationships through 'Think Like A Man

different levels on a skyscraper, representing personal growth in a relationship.

When sparks fly and hearts collide, we all find ourselves on a level playing field, standing at the Bar of Equality. You, an accomplished doctor, and them, a master of the fryer, see each other in perfect balance. Now, let’s brew a more potent love potion, shall we?

The Great Relationship Elevator Ride

Imagine a partner's growth as an elevator ride in the skyscraper of life. As they ascend, they start to see beyond your horizon, exploring realms of potential friendships or romances that were invisible before. Isn't that a fascinating thought?

The Tug of Love and Growth

Now, what if one of you hits the growth in relationships while the other decides to kick back and chill at their current floor? You start to see a new class of people that you couldn’t see before, introducing the potential for other relationships.

The Perfect Dance of Growth and Love

Ideally, the one catching the express elevator should hit the pause button and help the other to climb as well. Failing to do so means drifting apart, leaving both parties marooned in an unhappy situation. The result? A standstill, where neither grows as their energies clash instead of lifting each other up. Here’s where the plot thickens.

Think Like a Man: A Case Study

Remember the Dreamer and the “Independent Woman” from ‘Think Like A Man’? She was so obsessed with her boss-babe journey that she couldn't initially see happiness with the Dreamer. Seeking similar-minded companionship, she replaced him. The catch? She only realized the value of his dreams when they morphed into a reality she could partake in. Their relationship was strained because they weren't on the same growth trajectory. But, as all good love stories go, she learned to value his dreams and they found their way back to each other.

Key Points:

  1. Understand the concept of the "Bar of Equality" in relationships.
  2. Acknowledge the importance of growth in relationships.
  3. Learn from the storyline of 'Think Like A Man'.

Dodge The Life-Suckers: How to Survive Your Personal Zombie Apocalypse

While watching TWD I realized something... The Zombies are a metaphor for our daily lives. Here is a synopsis of the Zombies:

  1.  They are dead.
  2. They walk around searching for humans to kill.
  3. After they kill you, they convert you to being a Zombie.
  4. They're dead but they need to feed.
  5. They feed on the not-currently dead. 
  6. Noises trigger them.
  7. Fire triggers them.

Any time you're doing something different the Zombies attack. Let's say you're trying to save money, the Zombies attack by saying you can't take it with you or wanting a handout. If you're trying to better yourself, they attack by telling you that you aren't schit and your idea will never work. Let's say that you want to talk to that girl that everyone in your group think is so awesome, but they convince you that you can't get her.

Can the family be zombies?

Zombies can be spouses.

The Walking Dead Among Us

Welcome to your personal "Walking Dead" episode! Except the zombies here don't crave brains; they're your family, your frenemies, and the envious ones trying to suck the life out of your dreams. Talk about an episode twist!

Scenario One: The Gold Rush Attack

Imagine, you're determined to be the next Bill Gates, sitting on a pile of cash. You're furiously devouring books about riches, saving money, and staying disciplined. But boom! Enter the zombies. They're clawing at your well-earned cash, trying to drag you down to their level of mindlessness. Remember that scene from "World War Z" when the zombies pile up to breach the wall? Just like that!

Scenario Two: Attack of the Dream Snatchers

Now, picture this: You've got a million-dollar idea that gets your heart racing. You've planted this entrepreneurial seed in your mind, and it's sprouting. But wait! Here come the zombies again, groaning that your idea is unoriginal, or worse, that YOU can't do it. If you let them, these zombies might just nip your dream in the bud. I bet you didn't think your life was this much like a George Romero movie, did you?

Scenario Three: Love Bites and Zombie Fights

Step into the romantic battleground. Whether you're the unlikely heartthrob or the suave charmer, the girl of your dreams has fallen for you. But love is never without its zombies. If you're the underdog, male zombies will think they have a shot at your girl, while the female zombies suddenly see you as more desirable. If you're the charmer, the female zombies remain a threat, but male zombies target your girl, hoping to draw you out. Sounds like an episode of "The Bachelor: Zombie Edition", doesn't it?

Scenario Four: When Success Breeds Zombies

So, you've made it! You're rich, successful, and have built a fortress around yourself. But just one tiny stumble, and the zombies are on you like a pack on fresh meat. Our poor friend Steve Harvey can vouch for this; he was living large until one mistake set the zombies swarming. Talk about a drama-filled reality show, right?

Zombie or Alive: The Choice Is Yours!

The zombie life may seem easy: no ambition, no effort, just mindless existence. It's like choosing to watch reruns instead of trying a new series. But wouldn't you rather script your own show? Leave the dull, monotonous drone behind, and let's hear your battle cry against the walking dead!

Key Points:

  1. Zombies are everywhere: your family, friends, or colleagues who try to bring you down.
  2. They attack when you're trying to accumulate wealth, innovate, or find love.
  3. Falling into a zombie-like state is easy, but it's a dull and monotonous existence.
  4. Break free from the zombies and script your own success story.

Understanding Energy: Unleashing Your Authentic Self for True Success

A light bulb symbolizing energy

"Energy: The Misunderstood Powerhouse"

In our quest for success, we often misinterpret the use of our energy. Instead of directing it towards the things that truly serve us, we tend to bottle it up or misuse it in an attempt to impress others. Energy, in its purest form, should flow – released and received in a constant cycle, but we often find ourselves directing it at things that don't truly serve us.

"The Pitfall of Misdirected Energy"

Consider this scenario: a young man yearns for the attention of a high school sweetheart, but she's drawn to the star football player. Without the confidence to express his feelings, he redirects his energy towards mirroring what he believes she desires. He builds muscles, amasses wealth, and pumps up his confidence. While on the surface this may seem positive, there's a fundamental issue: he's not being selfish – he's being selfless.

He sacrifices his own passion and identity to impress someone else or to evade potential rejection. In this process, the achievement becomes a potent cocktail of undirected sexual energy, a sensation of dominance that could potentially turn addictive. The result? A psychological addiction that escalates with each release when love is absent.

"Hollywood Syndrome: The Addiction to External Validation"

Jay Z and Beyonce once referred to Hollywood as the world's most addictive drug. To me, this Hollywood syndrome represents the addictive cycle of releasing and receiving sexual energy. The rush of being desired, of feeling powerful – it's like a heady, intoxicating drug.

Imagine a woman who, through association with an alpha male, is elevated in status. She's now the object of many men's desires, she's envied by women – she's at the center of attention. But as she matures, she realizes that she's chasing an elusive, superficial high – that her alpha male represents the 80% who can only fill her bucket with 20% of the energy she craves.

"Finding 'The One': The Search for Genuine Fulfillment"

The quest for 'The One' – the partner who requires more than just sexual energy – takes both men and women through a series of relationships. 'The One' demands the release of love first, followed by sexual energy. 'The One' offers the best of both worlds: a bucket filled with love and sexual energy.

For a man, 'The One' helps channel his energy towards his passions. For a woman, she finds a partner who radiates confidence and offers her a satisfying blend of love and sexual energy. This balanced dynamic replaces the need for the addictive Hollywood syndrome, the artificial high of fame, and the superficial glow of the limelight.

Key Points:

  • Misdirected energy can lead to a selfless sacrifice of personal passions and identity for external validation.
  • The addictive cycle of releasing and receiving sexual energy can create an unhealthy dependency on external validation – the 'Hollywood Syndrome'.
  • Finding 'The One' – a partner who requires more than just sexual energy – can provide a healthier and more fulfilling relationship dynamic.

Unleashing Love: Say Goodbye to Control!

A man holding a woman's hand, gently guiding her along a winding path, symbolizing trust and letting go of control in a relationship.

Greetings, my friend! Join me today as we delve into the heart of our uncertainties and longings. Today's journey is about releasing control and welcoming fear. Hold onto your hat; it's an expedition worth embarking on!

Let Go of Control's Grip

Are you tired of the relentless quest for control? Control, my friend, is a guise of fear. The moment you sense control lurking, you know it's time to confront your fears. Ask yourself - how many aspects of your life are you trying to control? Now, dare to ask - how many things are you afraid of?

The Dance of Anxiety in Love

Imagine a man in love. As he falls, he is engulfed with countless anxieties. Questions swirl in his mind like a whirlwind - "Does she love me for who I am?" He devises subtle tests to seek reassurance. The notion of sharing emotions can send his heart racing. To share or to mask, that becomes the question.

The Power Struggle

Here's an intriguing observation - some women strive to control every situation. This is bound to unsettle an alpha male! And yet, I understand - it's fear echoing. It's the fear of unrequited affection. So, you instigate small tests to seek validation. The fear cycle continues. It's time for a reality check, my friend. Your fear stems from past experiences, not your partner's actions.

Welcome the Unexpected

Rather than dictating what you want for your birthday or Valentine's Day, why not let him surprise you? Don't limit the potential surprises! You might hint at a specific bracelet. Who knows? If you just suggest, you may find yourself with a matching pair of earrings!

Hand Him the Baton

Here's the crux, my friend. Allow him to take the lead. Trust in the Universe's orchestration. Even when distanced, you're never far from each other. A small shift in perspective, and you see each other in a new light. The past recedes, leaving only what brings true happiness. Realize that you're two halves of a whole. He has found his missing rib, and it keeps returning, like a boomerang.

While this might be a directed post, I hope it resonates with many!

As always, remember to embrace your individuality. In celebrating your happiness, others may see a reflection of their own joy.

"If you can’t see your success, change your vantage point"

Key Points:

  • Control is born from fear. Acknowledge it, embrace it, overcome it!
  • Fear and insecurities significantly influence our relationships.
  • Insecurities often lead to control issues, thus perpetuating an unhealthy cycle.
  • Relinquish control, have faith in your partner, and trust the Universe.
  • Recognize the unity between you and your partner.

From Dawn to Dusk: An Unforgettable Dance With Destiny

A mesmerized man gazing at his beautiful wife in bed

My Lipstick-Stained Awakening to Destiny

One dewy morning, as I gazed upon the ethereal face nestled beside me, I was swept by a revelation so profound, it was like skinny-dipping in a pool of pure insight. I was seeing life's jigsaw puzzle piece together in vibrant Technicolor. The universe whispered to me: We are the architects of our reality.

Seeds of Change and Giggles

Life unfolds much like a plant's journey from a seed to a full-bloomed wonder. An uncanny synchronicity exists among us humans, our animal counterparts, and those gorgeous little green things. We're all tethered, unable to flourish without the other. Nature, you see, is an ingenious balancing act, an artful ballet of coexistence.

Flashback to 1983, picture a tense room on Orange Street, Southeast D.C. My parents, in heated argument, forcing me into a choice that felt as dramatic as picking the winner of a puppy tug-of-war. Fun was my language back then, so naturally, I sided with my more fun-loving parent, dad. This choice, much like the germination of a plant, marked a seismic shift in my journey.

Rising from the Ashes, a Phoenix Tale

Fast forward a few years, my mother, having wrestled with the demons of addiction, emerged victorious. She was a Phoenix, rising from the ashes of her past and soaring towards a future of service, leveraging her battle scars to guide others out of the darkness. Her triumph was brief, though, as she was soon taken away from us, leaving a bitter-sweet taste of victory. But hey, life is a roller-coaster, isn't it?

School Days: My First Dose of Sunshine

Next stop, Concord Elementary, a wonderland where numbers and science became my playmates. Outpacing my classmates, winning multiplication contests, I was the cool fat kid. You know, the one who wears their chubbiness like a designer outfit, earning admiration, not ridicule. I was more than a tubby tyke; I was a blooming sunflower, basking in the first rays of the sun.

A Serendipitous Encounter

Cue 1997, when my college journey led me to Virginia Commonwealth University, and eventually, Norfolk State University. She, an East Tennessee native, landed at Old Dominion University. Our paths, seemingly random, intersected as if planned by the universe itself. After a barrage of romantic misadventures, I was convinced good women were extinct, yet I yearned for one.

Suddenly, my SOS to the universe was answered. There she was, enjoying her post-shift Martini at our local bar. I was there too, playing wingman, until cupid played its trick. An innocent deviation turned into the ultimate destiny, and boom - sparks flew! The universe, with its perfect timing, gifted me the queen of my dreams.

Key Points: The Sweet Symphony of Life

  • Life unfolds perfectly, like a well-orchestrated symphony.
  • We are the architects of our realities.
  • Life is a cycle of constant growth and change, much like the life of a plant.
  • We are all interconnected in this grand cosmic play.
  • Embrace your journey, the good, the bad, and the ugly - it's all leading to something beautiful.

From Sleepwalking to Dream-Chasing: How I Discovered My Secret to a Life of Abundance!

embrace the sunrise

"Breaking free from the chains of negativity and awakening to a life of abundance wasn't something I stumbled upon. No, it was a journey, a voyage into my inner self that brought me face-to-face with my own secret: the Power of I AM."

Key Points:

  1. The Journey to Self-Awareness
  2. Discovering the Power of 'I AM'
  3. The Change in Perspective
  4. The Affirmations of Abundance

The Journey to Self-Awareness

"I spent my days tangled up in thoughts about money, success, and helping others. These three, I believed, were the tickets to my freedom. But I kept hitting the wall, struggling, frustrated with the lack of progress. Not until I stumbled upon 'The Secret', did I realize the power that lay within me."

Discovering the Power of 'I AM'

"I started to change my mindset, focusing on happy thoughts like I was the Peter Pan of positivity. I reflected on my past struggles and realized they were mere cues that something needed to change. Then it hit me: the secret to my abundance was the 'I AM'. The power to create my reality, my wealth, my success, was in me all along!"

The Change in Perspective

"In the quiet whispers of my mind, I found answers. I realized the universe listens to my self-talk. I could make someone wake up early just by thinking about it! Then the revelation hit me: if I'm the one controlling these thoughts, if 'I AM' is the name of God and I AM, I must be able to control my reality."

The Affirmations of Abundance

"I wake up each day with vigor, knowing that my reality was shaped by my own thoughts. I laugh with God, feeling the difference between Heaven and earth. I'm rich in all aspects, joyously embracing the positive spin I've put on everything. I've become an overabundantly selfish giver, understanding that to give is to receive. We all can live abundantly - it all starts with believing 'I AM'."