Imagine this: you're at the zoo, entranced by the grandeur of nature. The zookeeper tiptoes through the tall grass, encroaching on the domain of the Lion— the indisputable King of Beasts. From his satchel, he retrieves a mouth-watering, raw steak and serves it up to the regal beast. An unwritten agreement underlies their interaction: Peace reigns as long as the King of Beasts, his Queen, and their appetite are kept satisfied. In return, they exhibit a surprising docility, a jovial spirit even.
But let's flirt with the 'what ifs.' What if our trusty zookeeper starts taking his majestic charges for granted? What if he wakes up one morning, feeling a tad bit daring, and decides to skimp on their gourmet meals?
Well, the King and Queen will quickly remind him— with their teeth and claws— that their gentle facade doesn't erase their primal nature. After all, even the most domesticated beast remembers its wild instincts.
Isn't that the same with love? Your partner—be it your wife, husband, or significant other— mirrors the traits of these beasts. They are your King or Queen— gentle and tame, yes, but never forget that beneath lies a fierce spirit. They haven't forgotten who they are, and neither should you. Kindness is not a weakness, and a gentle beast isn't synonymous with being feeble. Remember Buck from Jack London's 'Call of the Wild?' Even he couldn't resist the primal call.
So, let me ask you a bold, spicy question: Have you been taking your King or Queen for granted? And, what's the cost?
Picture me, muscles flexed, wrestling a mountain of dirty dishes at the sink. Yup, this man knows his way around a sponge and a bottle of Fairy Liquid. My wife, true to her mom's old-school practices, believes in letting the dishes "soak." And by the time I'm ready for the wash, the water's turned a shade of murky brown.
As I turn on the tap, a burst of crystal-clear water rushes out. One by one, I pick the "soaking" dishes, give them a thorough scrub, and then place them in the dishwasher to dry. And yes, I confess, I use the dishwasher as a drying rack. Old habits die hard.
Now, here's where things get interesting. As I drain the brown water with clear water still gushing, a realization hits me like a jet spray.
A lot of us are stewing in dirty water—or rather, our minds are. Have you been feasting on the toxic broth of negative memes about how terrible men are? You might find yourself nodding in agreement. A meme flashes, saying something about a man's hollow love declarations if his actions say otherwise. Your inner voice goes, "Preach! I knew he was a jerk." You're buying into this because your mind is soaking in this negative soup—let's call it what it is—propaganda. This negativity is making your ideas and perceptions (aka dishes) grime-laden.
Don't forget that a man's love language might not resonate with yours, but it doesn't mean his feelings are any less real. The dirty water is playing tricks on your mind!
Here's the game plan: extract those dishes from the dirty water, scrub off the negativity, rinse them with the fresh stream of positivity, and let them dry in the sunshine of optimism. Then, pull that plug. Let go of the negativity. Cleanse your mental space.
How about a detox? Stay away from negative social media for 30 days, and instead, immerse yourself in positivity. I promise you, not only will your love life take a turn for the better, but you'll witness a complete transformation in your life.
Now, the million-dollar question: Who's game for a dishwashing challenge?
Pop on the television or flick through a magazine, and you'll notice a pattern. Big men are often painted as lazy, solitary beings. If we're seen with a stunning woman, what's the verdict? Must be rich, they say. It's an unsettling trend that some label as 'fatphobia'. But here's where they've got it all wrong - we have an advantage.
Imagine you're out and spot a radiant woman. You stride over and hit her with a cheery "Hi!" Your confident tone throws her. It's not what she was expecting. Forget the throng of 'Sexy Flexis' around. None had the courage to approach her. But you did.
Her internal relationship barometer goes haywire. Like a compass thrown off by a powerful magnet, she's disoriented because you were not part of her script. All the 'Sexy Flexis' in the room, and you, the unexpected hero, made the first move. Just by saying "Hi," you've taken the lead.
Consider yourself the Alpha Dawg, the front runner. Fashion and how it aids your advantage is a topic for another day. But, let's look at the usual suspects in any social scenario. First, there's the 'Yard Dog'. He knows the ropes, is familiar with everyone, and generally plays the dominant alpha. Then, there's the 'Guerilla Pimp'. His unconventional style wakes everyone up but also puts the 'Yard Dog' on high alert.
So, where do you fit in? You are the 'Smooth Operator'. Your size, regardless of how you're dressed, only intrigues the women and not seen as a threat by the 'Yard Dogs'. You're the quiet storm of confidence. By the time the 'Yard Dogs' take notice, you're already leading the dance with the belle of the ball. And that, my friend, is the advantage of the 'Big Fella'.
Can you relate to this? Share your experiences! I can tell you; when other men see me with my wife, I know they're left scratching their heads in bewilderment.
Consider this - what's the score when it comes to your relationship? You've probably heard that love is a 50/50 game but let me be the one to break the news - that mindset is killing your relationship. In school, if you scored a 50%, you flunked, right? So, why are we applying failing standards to our love lives?
Love is not a game where you can get by on half-effort. Applying a 50/50 approach to your relationship is like getting a constant "F". In our society, "F" stands for failure! So why are you setting your relationship up to fail?
We've all been taught gender norms - men are supposed to do this, women are supposed to do that. The problem? This mindset is dated and counterproductive. It's time to debunk these myths and shift your mindset to saving your relationship.
Take a page from Michael Jordan and Scottie Pippen's playbook. They didn't achieve six championship rings by each putting in 50%. No, each of them showed up, game after game, giving 100% effort. If Pippen only gave 20% during Jordan's infamous flu game, the Bulls wouldn't have won the title.
In relationships, success lies in both parties committing to giving 100%. If you're only showing up with 50%, then you're just averaging out to a "C" - and who wants an average love life?
To truly experience a fulfilling and successful relationship, strive to give 100%, and encourage your partner to do the same. It's about both of you contributing fully to create a flourishing relationship.
It hit me like a bolt from the blue on a regular day in the office. Have I been quietly schooled to seize opportunities, to extract gain from every kind act? I'd possibly be flush with cash had I embraced this ideology. But wait, was this notion implanted in my mind through a seemingly harmless idiom?
Intrigued, I embarked on a mini social experiment. I solicited interpretations of this idiom from three distinct individuals, each hailing from a different walk of life.
Surprise, surprise – they all echoed the same interpretation.
Their immediate reaction was to criticize the proverbial 'cow' for foolishly giving away its milk for free. As if they were implying, "Don't play the fool in love."
My jaw hit the floor.
But then, their insights sank in, and it felt like a revelation. Their views struck a chord with my distaste for the stereotypical portrayal of relationships. It brought to mind the deeply resonant scene in "Boys N' Da Hood" when Doughboy laments, "either they don't know, don't show, or don't care about what be going on in the hood."
So, what's this potentially destructive idiom? "Why buy the cow if the milk is free?"
Hold your breath! This isn't an admonishment for those who embrace their sexuality. It doesn't imply that men will shirk commitment if a woman freely expresses her desires. The essence lies in "buy" and "free" – sketching the blueprint of a fair exchange.
Let me tickle your curiosity with a few teasing questions.
If you buy her a drink, are you purchasing the milk or the cow? If you splurge on a dinner and a movie, does it mean you're buying both the milk and the cow?
The answer? I'm as clueless as you are.
One thing we can concur on is that in this world of reciprocity, forking out something should warrant a return.
This misunderstood idiom has been the wrecking ball for countless potential love stories. Marriage, essentially a lucrative deal, can get dizzyingly confusing without proper guidance.
The unintended message we pass onto our children when we spew this idiom could be dangerously misconstrued. We teach our daughters that if a man pays, he should receive something in return, without specifying what that something should be.
Money exists in two forms: mental and physical. Mental cash is intangible, like time, while physical cash is tangible.
The idiom fails to highlight this dichotomy, leading it to be often taken literally. "Buy" and "free" become our guiding principles as these concepts chime with our day-to-day transactions. We pay for what holds value, and what we don't value is often free.
Let's drive this home with an anecdote. Imagine you're fifteen, itching to buy your first car. You have a clear picture of your dream car and when you find it at a dealership, it costs $25,000. The owner gives you two options: take out a loan to buy it immediately or work every weekend for a year at the dealership, washing cars, and it's yours.
If you opt for the loan, you get the car right away, paying the physical cash equivalent of $25,000.
But if you opt to work weekends, washing cars, does this mean the car was free?
This is the perspective shift we need when interpreting relationships and idioms. Physical cash may accelerate the path to the end goal – a lucrative deal, or a marriage. Without the right explanation, the idiom can lead to physical expectations in return for physical payments, often leading to sex. It becomes transactional, akin to buying a pair of sneakers. And what happens when those sneakers get old or worn out?
Picture this: You meet someone who becomes your confidant, your rock, your safe haven. They listen, support, and share countless memories with you. But what if, instead of recognizing them as a potential partner, you relegate them to the "bestie" zone? This is where best friend sabotage comes into play, revealing a deeper truth about hidden desires and the potential consequences it can have on your relationship.
We've all encountered that special someone who seems to be by our side through thick and thin. They introduce us to potential partners, cheer us on, and seem to have an uncanny knowledge of what we need. But behind their friendly facade lies a hidden message—they believe they're the one for you.
Anecdote: Think back to those carnival nights filled with laughter and joy. As you look through old pictures, a recurring theme emerges—one person who always stood out, capturing moments with you. It's as if fate has been trying to nudge you in their direction, but you've dismissed it as mere nostalgia.
You can't shake the thought that there might be something more between you and your best friend. The idea lingers, growing more persistent as time goes on. You muster up the courage to ask the question that has been haunting you: "Why haven't we dated?"
Their reaction surprises you—a mixture of relief and excitement. Suddenly, the floodgates open, and both of you realize the potential that has been simmering beneath the surface for so long. It feels like a beautiful dream coming true.
Anecdote: The first official date arrives, and you can't help but feel a surge of passion. But as the relationship progresses, cracks begin to appear. Arguments escalate, and suddenly, your best friend throws a past incident in your face—a situation you actually experienced with someone they had once introduced you to.
As the lens widens, you start noticing moments and comments that seem slightly off. The pieces of the puzzle fall into place, and you realize that your best friend has been orchestrating your relationships all along. They punished you for not recognizing their true feelings from the start.
It's a challenging realization. The person who knows you best, who has always been there for you, turns out to have their own agenda. Trust issues emerge, and the innocence of those nostalgic pictures fades away.
Best friend sabotage is a double-edged sword, revealing hidden desires and exposing trust issues. It's essential to recognize and address these dynamics early on to avoid damaging the relationship or friendship. Open communication and a shared understanding of intentions can help navigate the complexities and ensure that the bond remains strong, whether as friends or as life partners.
Share your experiences with best friend sabotage or bliss in the comments below.
Have you ever found yourself engrossed in MTV's Catfish series, wondering about the nature of online relationships? As we follow along, we watch people claim to have fallen in love with someone they've never met in person. When they finally meet, things often take a surprising turn.
Our world can be astonishingly superficial. These participants fell in love with fantastic personalities online, yet, when faced with a different physical reality, the relationship often falls apart. This begs the question: were they ever really in love?
There are two categories of Catfish participants: the "bad catfish liar" and the "good catfish liar."
If you're a "bad catfish liar," you likely fell in love with the image presented to you, but when faced with a different reality, you're thrown off. Are you genuinely in love, or were you merely captivated by a perception?
On the other hand, the "good catfish liar" is someone who either represented themselves as less attractive than they are to secure their desired partner or a person lacking confidence in their physical appearance.
The essence of a person - their values, personality, and character - is what truly counts in love. The physical aspect is just the tip of the iceberg, representing only about 20% of the whole person. The remaining 80% comprises what is invisible to the eye - the mental and emotional aspects.
True love should be built upon this 80% mental connection. After all, isn't that the very fabric of love?
A major flaw, especially in the "good catfish liar," is the lack of confidence in their own physical appearance. What they fail to recognize is the power of mental and emotional compatibility, which, in fact, forms the crux of any successful relationship.
Jump into the swirling currents of affection like it's a hot tub party, but beware – just like that embarrassing tattoo from spring break, bad love investments can have lasting consequences. So, let's talk fiscal responsibility... but in the sexiest way possible, of course.
Remember that business you started? The one where you invested just a smidge, like dabbling your toes in the water before diving in? The same rules apply in the pool of passion. Start slow, learn the strokes and then, if it feels right, take the plunge.
Are you the romantic who showers your lover with gifts and lavish dates from the get-go? Hold your horses, Casanova! While it might seem like the quickest path to their heart, it can actually lead to a fiscal fiasco in your love life.
I once knew a guy who whisked his date off to a swanky dinner on their first meet. Sure, he impressed her, but when they ended up at a food truck for their next date, she was less than amused.
Remember, if you're starting with a bang, you better be ready to keep up the fireworks. And not just on July 4th.
Love is not a sprint; it's a marathon. And just like in a marathon, you want to pace yourself. Start too fast, and you'll find yourself out of breath and energy when you hit that inevitable relationship hill.
Ever wondered how negotiations and love are intertwined? Like any negotiation, love involves two or more parties willing to sacrifice something for a valuable gain.
Trust me, you're already in the business of sales! Picture this: You effortlessly persuade your friends to pick Ruth Chris for dinner because of their melt-in-your-mouth blue cheese topped steaks. Or you sell them on Red Robin for endless fries. Congrats, love! You've just successfully negotiated and sold steak dinners and bottomless fries without being on the payroll.
Think about it, if we channel this natural salesmanship into our love lives, we might be onto something, right?
So, let's spill some truths and share some laughs as we uncover the four steps to ace the negotiation of love:
We could all learn a thing or two from Bryson Tiller's "Exchange". He lays out his contract, stating his wants and sacrifices. But, does he fully deliver? That's where understanding the love contract comes into play.
Bottom line? Relationships are investments that should follow these four negotiation rules. So, take charge, decode the love contracts, and let's negotiate love like pros!
Remember, sweetheart, keep these tips handy next time you're negotiating love. Master the art, and you'll be sealing love deals like a pro. After all, love is an exhilarating negotiation game. Let's play it wisely and win big!
Here's a little secret. True willpower is the magic potion you've been searching for to make your dreams come true. Are you ready for the revelation?
Imagine yourself in a Walmart queue, eyeing a tantalizingly glazed Honey Bun. Your New Year's resolution is in full swing, so you persistently tell yourself, "I can't have that Honey Bun."
But guess what? The universe, in all its playful wisdom, focuses on the action - "have that Honey Bun." A little subconscious trick you weren't expecting, right? While you're paying attention and consciously telling yourself no, then the answer is no. When you answer that phone call while in line and you're not consciously paying attention, in your cart goes the honey bun.
Let's hit rewind and dive into the true meaning of willpower. Often misinterpreted, willpower is more than just the force we exert to resist our wants and desires.
Picture willpower as our very own Alfred (yes, the trusted aide of Batman). Alfred executes Batman's wishes, just like your will serves as your special request to the universe, something you want fulfilled while you're 'incapacitated.'
No, we're not talking about being brain-dead or physically incapacitated. Think of this state as being so engrossed in the journey towards a goal that you're powerless to stop the execution of your will. It's the stage when you've mentally let go of the goal but are consciously working towards it.
The secret sauce? Focusing on the journey - the habits and actions - rather than obsessing over the goal. This allows your will to be executed seamlessly.
Take Lebron James, for example. He nails those free throws not by aiming for perfection, but by honing his form and practicing consistency. There's your key - focus on the journey, not the end goal.
When you jot down your goals, it's akin to setting a will in motion - a will that our friend, the D. Universe, is legally obliged to fulfill.
So, what's the trick to unlocking this magic? Concentrate on the habits that guide you to your goal, not the goal itself. Once a habit takes root, it becomes second nature, making your will's execution almost magical.
Searching for your soul mate? Stop fixating on finding them. Instead, immerse yourself in habits and visit places where you imagine being with your soul mate. Much like the Honey Bun, they might just appear when you least expect!
The words of Swagger Coxch pierce through the veil of obscurity, "A slave that does not appreciate the fruit of their labor is doomed to remain a slave. A master that does not appreciate the fruit of the slave is doomed to become a slave." Confusing? Hold my hand, and let's journey down the rabbit hole.
In essence, whatever you yearn for becomes your Master, and subsequently, you morph into its Slave. The Slave, to break free, must find value in their labor's fruits. If I relish gardening, your penalty of forcing me to tend it loses its sting; you'll need a fresh tactic.
An unappreciative Master views the Slave as a mere tool, devoid of humanity. Driving the Slave to exhaustion or desertion, the Master, now faced with an unkempt garden, becomes the new Slave. Only upon the exit of the Slave does the Master truly comprehend the lost beauty. And the Slave? Could they ever ascend to Mastery?
For the Slave to break the chains, they must bask in their labor's fruits. Focusing merely on the task at hand, they overlook the blossoming garden, the fruits of their sweat. Whether facing an unappreciative or appreciative Master, their fate remains the same – bound in perpetual servitude.
This intricate mental warfare of Master and Slave is not confined to hypotheticals. It lurks around every corner of our lives, affecting friendships and romantic relationships alike.
The Master-Slave dichotomy reveals itself when one party needs the other. Whether it's free hairdos, attention from the opposite sex, or car rides, dependency fuels the power dynamic. The true test of friendship arrives when the Slave gains independence – if the Master was unappreciative, separation looms. But if the insignia of Master and Slave dissipate, true friendship could flourish.
Our society grooms' boys to be Masters – to dominate, protect, and provide. The man, desiring to be the head of the house, often finds himself as the unappreciative Master, pushing his female counterpart towards emotional exhaustion. This constant pushing and driving, absent appreciation, leaves the relationship barren. The woman, oblivious to her own worth, remains the Slave.
But what of the dependent woman striving for control, aspiring to be the Master? If a man appreciates his own worth, the woman risks becoming the unappreciative Master, doomed to become a Slave. This role reversal often victimizes husbands.
In every facet of our lives, the Master-Slave dynamic subtly operates, demanding appreciation as the antidote. Ignoring these fundamental dynamic risks missing the beauty of the ocean for the ripples in the water. In our ‘what-have-you-done-for-me-lately’ society, it's crucial to appreciate every action and its rippling effects on our lives. Remember, you are allowed to say no, and you are also allowed to appreciate.
Alright, folks, hold onto your hats. I'm about to blow your mind with something I call the Chains of Love, a concept tied closely to my Attachment theory. Hear me out.
We all have emotions tethered to something. Think of your favorite song, movie, or year. Ask yourself, "why is it my favorite?" The answer will probably be something comforting, a memory or an emotion.
Now, let me lay it down for you. There are two ways to look at it: you've already got something that is your favorite and I attach myself to that, or I give you something to associate me with. All I need is a moment. A moment that will resonate with you unless replaced by another. I call this emotional trigger and changing vests.
Let's walk you through an example. Picture yourself in an evening gown, at a beauty pageant. The slow jam, Brian McKnight's "Back at One", filling the air. You chose that song, and I pick up on that because it must mean something to you. Maybe it was your dad's favorite song as he and your mom danced in perfect harmony.
Fast forward, and you're at my place, five songs deep into a session of musical roulette, and guess what comes up? Brian McKnight's "Back at One". Our laughter fills the room, our smiles meet, and our flirtatious banter rides the rhythm of the song. I offer you a drink, leaving you alone with the song, stirring the cocktail of past and present.
The next song is overtly sexual, and again, I notice your attentiveness. I ask why you chose that song but cut you off by moving closer. Our hearts race, filling you with a raw, primal instinct for love, like when Neo saved Trinity in The Matrix. This moment marks the difference in our future. Now, emotionally, I have been part of your life since the moment that song imprinted on your heart... I am now chained to your emotions, and you have to start back at one.
I hope this elucidates my theory on emotional attachment. Remember, don't hesitate to reach out if you need help with any relationship matters, drop a comment, shoot me an email, or stay tuned.
And always remember, be gloriously selfish. Let your joy radiate, inspiring others to view themselves the same way. "If you can't see your success, change your vantage pointe."
Ladies and gentlemen let's discuss a new kind of Sorority that's been making waves lately. "Bad Bitch" has emerged as a class, a self-identifier for women who own their strengths, their beauty, their "confidence", their feminine, and their so-called sexual thirsts.
Here's where things get interesting. Men have always been regarded as the "bad boys, or dogs" and now women feel the need to one-up them by self-identifying as "bad bitches". More baffling is that men are seemingly attracted to these bad bitches. We need to start disregarding what the media pushes and begin making conscious decisions about what we truly want.
Still puzzled? Let me elaborate. What do you prioritize when choosing a mate? From my observations, a majority of women prefer the "bad boy", determined mainly by his appearance - his "packaging". Similarly, most men are drawn to a pretty face and attractive body. But is this superficial criteria what we genuinely seek in a partner?
Contrary to popular belief, I propose that what we genuinely desire isn't the "perfect face and body", but rather someone we can engage in intellectual and sexual discourse with - someone with the perfect mind.
When we repeatedly fail at choosing the right person, we tend to give up entirely. For women, this often leaves you open to be chosen instead, and for men, desperation might lead to being more open to all women, not just the "bad bitches".
The "bad bitch" label carries a sexually charged notion, and the thought of it is animalistic, considering "bitch" refers to a female dog. But are we not above these base instincts? We wouldn't tolerate a misbehaving dog in our homes, so why would we choose partners based on these primal urges?
Time is the only real measure of whether someone is truly a "bad bitch" or a "bad boy". With the right energy, transformation is possible. She might not be the right fit for one man but perfect for you, provided you channel the right energy.
Many examples from the entertainment industry support this theory. Think about the men who passed on Jennifer Hudson, Mo'Nique, Jill Scott, or Queen Latifah. Likewise, women who rejected Anthony Anderson, Randy Jackson, Seth Rogan, or Reuben Studdard must have regrets.
The essence of my argument is simple: it takes time to find the right mind, but when you do, everything else will fall into place. "Bad dogs" get disciplined and left outside. So, ignore societal pressures and pursue what your heart genuinely desires.
Hey there, brave hearts! Ever wondered why your love life seems like a rollercoaster that only goes downhill? Let's untangle this mystery.
Fascinated by the wild side of love, aren't we all? You live this crazy, thrilling lifestyle because it sparks joy in your heart, just like that lightning bolt emoji you love to use. Yet, you find yourself drawn to someone totally opposite because, well, that's what they expect.
The world around you has expectations, huh? Your status in society comes with a manual for the 'right' partner. Does this sound familiar?
It all boils down to one thing: Confidence. Yes, my friend, it's that simple and that complex. The partner you choose is a mirror of your confidence, and if you're too scared to embrace your true desires, that reflection gets blurry.
Ever had that thought? She must have been this wild and exciting for someone else. If she hadn't, you wouldn't be drawn to her. Simple logic, right?
Here's where it gets interesting: You suppress your true feelings, choosing what you believe others want you to have. But hey, where's your happiness in this scenario?
Time to make a decision, folks. Love women who love women? Bring your partner home and introduce her as part of your family. It's your happiness on the line, after all.
What if you bring home her new BFF, and then you cheat on her or worse? Sounds like a twisted sitcom, doesn't it? But it's real life for some. True manhood is about making decisions, not wallowing in indecision.
Ever heard of the duck test? "If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and waddles like a duck, it must be a duck." Sound familiar? This instant 'logic' isn't just for bird identification - it plays a huge role in your romantic choices too. Baffled? It's high time we talk about 'heuristics', the mind's shortcut to solving complex problems.
You spot a dapper man, and your mind quickly tags him as clean, disease-free - looks like a duck, right? Maybe you see a man in a crisp suit, and you label him as someone important - talks like a duck, perhaps? The trickiest heuristic of all - men think with their "other head". That, my dear ladies, is oversimplifying a hugely complex process.
Us gents also fall prey to the duck test in love. We lean on inductive reasoning – making decisions based on past experiences. Looks like a duck, talks like a duck, walks like a duck - has to be a duck. This evolutionary hangover influences not just our diet or workouts, but our approach to dating too.
Let's be honest, we, men, care about self-preservation. Our survival ensures the tribe's survival. Every 'conquest' adds to our strategy, evolving it into a complex game. But beware, at some point, the lines blur between genuine feelings and the thrill of the chase.
Time is a magical salve. It provides a safe haven, a space to untangle energies. Love energy needs to precede sexual energy for a lasting relationship. Our 'fight or flight' response can often be mistaken for the "wrong head" thinking, but that subsides once we feel safe. Trust me, it's easier than it sounds.
Avoiding the pitfalls of the duck test in love calls for investing time in each other. The only thing that appreciates with time is real estate. Make sure your investment is in the right plot.
Trust me, this post has the potential to reshape your romantic world.
Need relationship guidance? I'm here for you. Comment, read on, or stay tuned.
And remember, it's okay to be selfish - your happiness can be the mirror others need to see their own.
"If you can't see your success, change your vantage pointe."