MIS-MATCH [WHY YOU'RE SINGLE]

You’re beautiful. You have the job, the body, and personality. When you walk into any room instantly you become one of the desirables. Then why the fuck are you single (insert angry emoji).

I’ll tell you why you’re single. Who you are doesn’t match with your self-esteem. There’s a mis-match.

Because of this mis-match you live in a confused world. By being confused you lie to yourself about who you are and because you’re lying to yourself you’re inadvertently lying to him.

You know you’re desired. You know you’re beautiful and smart. You know you’re sexy. You know all of those things until you leave the house.

Think of it this way, if I want to find people who love to play basketball I’m not going to go to the soccer field. Even if I sucked at basketball I would potentially find other people that suck too but love the game. That’s less likely at the soccer field. At the soccer field, you’re going to find people who love soccer.

Why would you go to the soccer field trying to find b-ball players, you wouldn’t, right? Oh, but you are.

The majority of people spend time where they are comfortable. There is a reason you feel comfortable there. Belongingness is wanting to be a part of a group. Where you go is driven by your self-esteem or confidence. By my example you went to the soccer field looking for people who love to play basketball, right?

Ok, let me put it another way. Let’s say you’re a Doctor. Let’s say you’re really sweet with it like Dr. Strange. You drive a black on black Lamborghini. You have a home hidden in the woods on a gazillion acres of land. If you were to hang out after work, where would it be? My guess is that it would be at some high-end lounge where only the elite of the elite can get into, you know, people on the level of Dr. Strange. You would not hang out downtown in Collegetown, USA. Would he?

The reason you wouldn’t is that you believe you are the best at what you do and people who are the best at what they do wouldn’t dare go there. Mentally you don’t have anything in common with commonfolk so you wouldn’t fit in. The sense of belongingness wouldn’t be there.

Right now your mind has shut off and it’s what is largely responsible for your relationship status. Let me explain, then I will tell you how to get past this bullschit.

If you go to the soccer field to look for basketball players then you may be the worst soccer player there and that’s ok. The reason it’s ok is that you aren’t that interested in soccer you’re interested in basketball. If they decide to teach you to play soccer it’s ok because there is no expectation because everyone already knows you suck. But here’s the trick. Because everyone there is really good at soccer it’s less likely they’re also good at basketball. So even without being tested, they assume you’re really good at basketball. This makes you the best basketball player on the soccer field.

How well do you feel? Comfortable remember.

So for the moment, you learn to play soccer but every time you want to play basketball they want to play soccer. So there is this disconnect. You either play soccer with the crew or play basketball alone until you find a crew that loves basketball. But if you found a crew that loved to play basketball then the fact that you suck will get put on Front Street and you will be forced to deal with the fact that you suck and get better if it’s what you love.

You want to be like Dr. Strange and hit the court knowing you’re the best or at least hang with the best.

Here’s how to make sense of this confusion. Unless being single is a choice most people will never understand this. There’s a little voice in your head that no one other than you can hear or talk to. She’s always with you. I know this sounds crazy but when you get comfortable hanging out with her then you will begin to properly align yourself. When you’re on the court practicing by yourself you’re getting better at hanging with her. Now let’s exchange the basketball court for anything you love to do. Finding love is easy when you know where to look and I just told you where to look. If you went to the bar with her (the person inside your head) then you’re not alone. So you two enjoy a drink or two or three and enjoy yourself.

Take ownership of yourself.

Be like Dr. Strange I spoke about. Hangout where people like you, the elite of the elite, hang out. More than likely you’ll find someone just like you there. Pick a place you love that’s where the elite of the elite like you hang out. If it’s the movies, go to the movies. If it’s an art museum go to the fucking museum.

Luck happens when the Universe spots love.