Today I decided that I'm a full 100% believer in Faith. I have always told others that no matter what religion you believe in the Crux of the Matter was Faith. I constantly think about three things; money, success, and people. For me the root of the three is Freedom. When I go to sleep I'm free. I used to pay a whole lot of attention to the fact that "I" can't do something such as gain enough money, success, and without those, I could not help anyone. I went along with life not allowing anyone to help me and I felt frustrated when I couldn't help others. My new idea is to give as I always have but allow myself to be a receiver of that love back. There have been many girls in my time that I didn't allow to love me. I did this to the point at which they loved me the most. When they reached that point I turned and made them hate me. I would give all my clothes, shoes, and time away for free. Never did I let people pay me with their time, a weird concept I know but think about it. I would do this so much that I would resent people for how they treated me or the lack of treatment. I remember that old way of living like it was yesterday. In fact, it was yesterday. When I started to research how to live more abundantly, one of my brothers told me to look on YouTube about this movie/book called "The Secret". Months went by then out of nowhere my renewed sense of needing abundance has resurfaced like a submarine. So I then proceeded to go from site-to-site, video-to-video. What's crazy is that my memory was shot on most things but for some reason, I could recall the exact point in which things happen that triggered a negative spiral. As I was attempting to change my way of thinking I decided that I only wanted t think of happy thoughts, like Peter Pan. I always told people that my laugh is so crazy that you can't be angry around me, at least when I was happy. The more I researched I started thinking about this secret and how it applied to every single movie. I used to get upset because I thought every movie was a love story and couldn't figure out how they connected to love in all these damn movies. Through this research and new thought process, I thought about all my difficulties in life and where my cues were that something needed to change. I started to love waking up each day with new vigor. It was exciting to see how the day would unfold knowing that somehow, some thought I had created this view of my reality. For the first time, I actually feel alive. I have been awoken from a deep sleep, that was causing me to miss the joys of life. Then after watching, listening, and reading for hours on how to apply what I have learned, I thought there has to be something to this and everyone already knew it. I felt like, at the time, that I was among the sleeping dead. Everyone was on autopilot controlling what they thought led to their happiness but was missing the root cause.

What you don't see is what you get just kept replaying in my mind over and over again. So I started talking to myself within my head and wondering, I wonder if anyone can hear me. I used to practice this without understanding how it works. An example is when I would wake up early to play my Madden while the family was still asleep I would think so hard about them waking up that they would, much earlier than their normal time. Then I thought about how that happens. Then I thought deeper and said what am I missing? What is that God is trying to tell me that I couldn't see. My next thought blew my mind as I was writing out my thoughts on paper. If I'm talking somebody has to be listening. Who is it that hears our prayers when we say them to ourselves? As a kid, I often made statements like I'm spoiled by the world because if I wanted something bad enough somehow there would be a way for me to get it. I didn't realize how powerful these words were. I did not understand how things truly happened in the world. I injured my knee playing high school football and my best friend pretty much nursed me. What was funny was that I hated being in the house or better yet I loved being outside and no way was I going to be down long. The doctor told us that my knee healed as fast as he had ever seen I just got up and walked out no rehab. Still not aware of the power that I/we possess.

All throughout my life people loved being around me so I always said I'm going to have a lounge that was similar to home. I imagined the whole thing from the way people would swipe their cards and it would announce them in. I imagined how everyone would remove their shoes and replace them with slippers or bedroom shoes.  I even imagined how this was a members-only venue and crime-free. I could see my office would be overlooking the room like a loft. That brings me back to my new-found awareness, but still, I had the questions... What was I missing? Why couldn't I get it right? For Heavens' sake who listens to me when I talk to myself? I immediately started replaying those same simple statements and I then began to say all successful people must know the answer. I listened to Will Smith say "Lay it on the line, don't have a plan B" Failure is not an option so there is no need for a plan B. Preparing a plan B takes time and energy away from plan A, keep working on the plan until it's successful. I remember Jay-Z saying something to the effect of "Luck is a mystical movement randomly bestowing people with happiness and joy, you create your own luck". So I thought about how I view Warren Buffet he has so much money and influences that he can move the stock market to create his riches. Meaning if he buys stock in say.... schit, whatever that may be, everyone decides they want to own shares of schit. He surely must know the answers to my questions. So I again began to tune into YouTube, if you can't tell I'm an avid YouTuber. The author of The Secret said to ask the universe and it shall answer. So right as I asked the question again "why can't I get it right" A Program Manager in my office says I regret that decision. I realized later that he was referring to not putting in on the pizza order, but was taken back for a second and I responded by saying there are no bad decisions your path is your path whether you go straight or around you end at the same spot because God isn't going to take you one second before or one second after he is supposed to. But then I said to myself I have the answer and it was given to me by myself because at that point I chose to listen, my circumstances had changed, my reality was altered for me to hear him make that statement. OK, I thought am I overthinking this? I then quickly silenced my thoughts and as it went quiet I realized I am in control of my thoughts if I can utter words in my head and I can hear them then I must be God. God is me than his name as stated in whatever chapter and whatever verse as stated to Moses is, I AM. Therefore I AM him, and since I AM is the name of God and I AM, I must be able to control my own reality. That piqued my interest even more because I started to always talk to myself. God and I have such a great relationship it's like we're BFFs. I started to watch how different scenarios played out in front of my eyes and I would laugh with God. It felt like the difference between Heaven and earth,  awake and sleep. I like talking to God so much that I try to do it in my sleep. I go to bed imagining what my future is like to wake up happy and joyous. I am not religious by any stretch but I do now know what it's like to be in the presence of God. To love yourself is to understand yourself and how you relate to others in love. I try to push love and happiness just by being me. Smiling, laughing are things that I love to do. As a matter of fact, my nickname is BigLuv.

I feel abundantly rich in all aspects, some may say he is off his rocker, but I say I'm happy being me. I stop all of the negative thoughts, well maybe not all but most and replaced them with positive thoughts I have watched my relationships change and different opportunities open up. See I AM changing my reality right now as I write and you read or better yet, your eyes read and ears listen. I have so much to tell you but I can't get it all out. Imagine yourself, wealthy and you will be. Try your best to put a positive spin on everything, the universe demands it. Because if you ask, you must and will get it. See the root cause of my problems was that I had to make a decision at the age of about 5 that would result in leaving my mom and moving with my dad. I didn't regret this decision until I found out that I regretted the decision. However, that decision leads me to be the man I AM today, a wealthy, overabundantly selfish giver. I give because it makes me happy, not because it helps you. That's a side effect of my overabundance spewing out to the world. I now am not afraid to receive love because I understand to give is to receive. I give happiness I receive happiness. Love is what binds you to the things you attract. So make sure you understand what you truly love. For me, I love money, success, and helping people. I AM wealthy, I AM successful, I AM a helper of people, I AM all of those things at once. I love this new feeling. Last note Do unto others as you will have them do unto you. Allow yourself to receive. We all can live abundantly!!!